gchat

i have pretty much the best job ever.  it keeps me very busy, i love the people, i’m good at what i do and i’m recognized for that effort.  my bosses also understand that we all have lives outside of the office and have no problem with us checking our facebook pages and gchatting if we aren’t in the middle of a project.

well, the bosses are away, and have been away for 2 weeks and it has been slow.  i have a few scattered projects, but i’ve been doing a lot of reading and catching up on my news while i’ve been chatting with my friends on gchat.

i don’t chat as much as i used to since violetta’s work blocked it and platonic pat blocked me.  but i usually have it open, and chat here and there.

vegas joined gchat yesterday, his new job allows it too and at first i was nervous.  what if gchat ruins our relationship?  what if it reveals that we aren’t as compatible as we think we are?  what if i’m not as witty and clever on chat as i am in person, and he loses interest?  what if he isn’t?

well, crisis averted, he logged in at 145pm and we chatted straight to 458pm when we both got to leave.  we chatted about anything and everything.  we decided we are going to go on a double date with his brother and girlfriend.  picked the menu for an upcoming party i might be throwing.

long story short, gchat isn’t bad for my relationship, but it might be bad when we are busier at work. 

ha.

the worst thing

the worst things you can probably do to me is lie and/or stand me up.  i don’t say i’ll be somewhere and not show.  (i will be late, i always am, if you can’t accept that, date someone else.)  you should return the favor.

last night vegas and i made plans to go to the club for the show around 8.  he called me at 630.  he said he had thought about going to another show downtown, and i said “you should go if you want.”  and then he said “no, i’ll be where you are cause i want to see you.”  i say “great, see you then.”  it usually starts late, and it is a casual thing, so i show at 830.  i say hello to wesley, bob, and 20 other people….no vegas.   hm.  maybe he is running late, so i grab a seat and a beer with wesley.  i text him around 915 and let him know i was planning on leaving around 10.   no text back.  nothing.

bob comes and sits next to me…..of course.  and thor is there too….and i’m right in his convenient line of vision.  so, i’m getting really uncomfortable really fast.  10pm finally comes along and i leave.  i say goodbye to a ton of people and walk out.

when i get home, i start to worry.  i text him “is everything alright?”  his phone has been flighty, maybe it died, maybe he got in an accident, who knows?  i’m thinking the worst.  because honestly, it is doubtful that if he just “decided to not go” is a good enough reason for me to keep him around.  i’m trying not to be mad or protect my feelings prematurely. 

we’ll see what he says when i talk to him today…..and there is no way i’m texting or emailing him first.  at this point it is not about games, it is about being courteous, and he obviously has not, thus far, considered my feelings.

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so, after i finish my rant online i get in bed, i feel better, i usually do after i write.  well, i get this text from vegas at 1147:  “baby, i just woke up.  i don’t know how the fuck that happened.  i didn’t think i was that tired.”

i read it and put the phone down.  he has been sick.  he’s been on a bunch of medicine treating his symptoms, and i know how medicine effs me up.

then at 1148 he texts “you up?”

i reply “yes.  i’m glad you are ok.  i’ve never been stood up before.  it sucked.”

then he calls.  he still has his half asleep voice on.  he apologizes profusely.  he wasn’t ignoring or avoiding me, he was sleeping.  he asks if we are still on for thursday.  i say yes.  and he says he’ll make it up to me.

so we’ll see how tonight goes.

exactly what i want

last night, i’m out with some friends. wesley, ophelia, vegas and some others and i look down and see a missed call…..from who?  oh yes…bob.

i’ve made a pointed effort not to contact him since sunday at the barbeque.  i’m not really giving any of these other guys a fair shot while he is in my head, so i stop making the effort.  i’ve put myself out there and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be with me, that is fine, but i’m done.

well, he hardly calls, we more text back and forth, so i get nervous that something might be wrong and i call him back. 

the conversation the way wesley hears it is goes like this “hey, yeah, oh, i’m pretty good.  i’m at clyde’s in tysons.  yeah, i’ll be here for a bit.  oh, uh, ok, see you in a few.”

so he comes, he offers to buy me drinks, is openly flirting and asking about a singles only party i’m throwing that he and some other of our friends are invited to.  we laugh and it is nice to hang out with him.

i’m kinda uncomfortable.  i’ve been so steadfast in trying to get bob out of my head, that i get irritated for enjoying myself too much.  i wouldn’t let him buy me drinks, he offered, three times.  ophelia, wesley and a bunch of other people leave and it is just vegas, bob, another guy and me.  ugh.

geez.

i pay my tab, come back to the table, chat for a few minutes, and then leave. everyone gets a hug and a kiss on the cheek and i’m out.

so, i’ve been thinking.  was i wrong?  i mean, bob did everything i would want  him to do. 

*he contacted me without any provocation which means he was thinking about me.

*he went out of his way to see me.

*he offers to buy me drinks, and i never want guys to buy me anything, but the gesture is always nice.

*he is nice and charming and it was really fun.

and i was a hardass.  i was distant and cool and nonchalant (well, i’m never really nonchalant, but i really try).

when i think about it, i’ve done this every step of the way with bob.  he goes to cancun for a work thing, and asks me what i want and i say “don’t buy me anything.”

i’m telling him how i canceled on my step sis, bc i had a “thing” with him, and he says “is that what dinner and a movie is?  a thing?” and i say “well, i never know what to call a ‘date.’” 

ugh.  brutal, huh?

but he’s done the same with me.  he’s text me late and asked me what i am doing and i’ve written back “nothing really, want company?” which everyone knows is code for “let’s get naked.” and he’s written back “no, i think i’m gonna just chill on my own.”  what? really?

 

so, what do you think?  what is the verdict?  is it hopeless?  am i hopeless?  or just romantically retarded?