and…..it begins

so, after another weekend of sexy time with vegas, it begins.  he is trying to qualify our romance. 

ew.  i can’t believe i just typed “romance.”

obviously, i’m not sure where this is going.  i like him.  i enjoy being with him.  and i’m cool with hanging out, having sex, and seeing where it leads us.  if feelings develop, fine.

ew.  i can’t believe i just typed “feelings.”

he wrote an email to me today that says “what movie do you wanna watch on thurs?  and we actually have to watch this one.”

ok ok ok.  i know what he is doing.  he’s trying to figure out if this relationship, ugh, is viable without the sex.  but why would we not have sex?  when it is that good, why would you not do it?  that doesn’t make sense to me.

he’s taking me to the museums on sunday, then we are gonna go watch the giants’ game at 4 and then back to my place for dinner.  a total date day.  should be great.  i’m looking forward to all of it.  i really am. 

i guess the difference here, is that i’ve had the “big love.”  i’ve had the “mad love,” the “sad when he’s away love,” the “can’t get close enough love,” the “i’ll do anything for you love.”  i’ve completely lost myself in that. i forgot who i was.  and things got so bad that my light was pretty much out when i finally picked up and left. 

all for love.

i don’t know if i’m ready for that.  and vegas is a guy who it could happen with.  the same things are important to us.  we have fun, we cherish our families, we like to laugh, we are great friends, and we are different enough to keep things interesting.

i guess i’ll wait for the “so….what is this exactly?  are we dating?  am i your boyfriend?” conversation.

the party and the aftermath

i knew it was gonna be risky with having both bob and vegas at the single’s party. 

i’ve ignored vegas’s advances for about a year, but good things are worth waiting for.  we are having SO much fun.  he makes me laugh, he is charming, he is sweet and i feel like he really wants to be with me.  we have grown to be pretty close friends in the last year, and i trust him.  i love the way he talks about his family, i love the way he looks at me. i love the way he pulls me to him and holds the side of my face when he kisses me.  it blows my mind that two weeks ago, i didn’t see this coming at all.  i’ve been totally blind-sided.  and it is awesome.

well, i was excited to pretend to ignore vegas during the party.  we talked about it and decided that is was best to not “come out” with the info just yet.  especially to casual friends.  vegas was texting me throughout the party and was very sweet.  he pulled me into the kitchen when no one else was there, he pretended to be getting something from the fridge and kissed me under the cover of the door.  we had a series of covert making out sessions during the party and it was pretty hot.  i was definitely looking forward to him staying after the party.  we had talked about it, he was gonna stay, he had the parking pass already in his car. 

the exit strategy was perfect, at midnight, they start towing so everyone had to leave.  party started at 7, and i asked ophelia if she would initiate the leaving at 1030.  most people didn’t have the day off, so, i figured they would all wanna be out of here around that time anyway. 

the sangria was crucial.  i mixed 4 bottles of champagne with brandy and vodka, added grapefruit, tangerine, lime and a lite beer.  i froze half a tangerine, grapes and limes so it would keep the sangria cold, so i didn’t have to dilute it with ice cubes.  it was amazing.  anyway, after i got the food out, i relaxed a bit, had two glasses of sangria, and i was feeling great.  then i had a few beers…and i was no longer sober.

people were leaving, the texts from vegas got more and more detailed and suggestive.  i was having a great time.  before i know it, just vegas, bob and i remain.  awkward.  hmmm.  while bob is in the bathroom, vegas says to me that “bob is gonna try and stay” and i say “there is no way that he could think that is an option.”  ugh.

i am very tipsy, and notice that it is 1155, omg.  and i say “oh, geez, you guys have to go.  they start towing at midnight.”  bob and vegas both leave, but vegas just drives around and comes back.  awesome.  bob calls me at 1205, but i am already “busy” with vegas, and i don’t see that he’s called. 

when i check my phone in the morning, i see another missed call from bob and a text an hour later that says “goodnight drunk miranda.”  ha.  fair enough.

well then he calls the next day.  and he asks did i really “want him to leave.”  ugh.  and i say “i wanted everyone to leave, it was late, i was drunk, it was time.”  and he says “well, am i gonna see you wednesday, or are you gonna be out with your boyfriend?” and i say “i don’t have a boyfriend.” and he says ” well, one of your boys then.”  and i say “you don’t have to say it like that, i’m allowed to have ‘boys’ if i don’t have a ‘boyfriend.’” and he says “i know.” 

then i say “i don’t really feel like chatting, i’ll talk to you later.”  and i can tell he is upset about it, but wtf, what is wrong with him?  really?  really? 

he sends me a text a bit later that says “btw, your dog is the cutest ever.” 

i reply “i know.  i’m sorry i didn’t feel like chatting earlier.  i guess i don’t know what you want from me.”

and he says back “i wasn’t expecting to stay the night with you, i just felt like i was all of a sudden in the way and keeping you from vegas.” 

ugh.

i said “they start towing at midnight.”  that is all i wrote.  i didn’t want to confirm or deny any suggestion he was offering.

and he says “you said that already.”  and resumes easy comfortable chat about football and whatnot.

thank goodness.

and in the meantime all i can think about is vegas.  he is in my head and i am so glad he pushed bob out.

singles only cocktail party

i’m throwing this party on sunday.  singles only.  6 guys, 6 girls and me.

serving a gourmet nacho with shrimp, avocado and brie, marinated flank steak skewers, crab cakes, broccoli salad, a lemon mousse cake, chocolate chip brownies and my signature champagne sangria.

ophelia asked if there were any of my guy friends that i would set her up with, but honestly, that never works.  i’m setting myself up to be “in the middle” if things get bad, and i don’t want the pressure of it.

so, this party is my solution.  i’m inviting a gaggle of my single friends to get together, if they don’t already know each other, they can meet and be confident that no one is attached, and that will work well.  i think.

well.  vegas and bob are both invited.  as are 2 more guys that know BOTH of them.  and ophelia and violetta who have pretty much gotten the play by play details for both of these guys.  what a mess.  ha. 

i’ll confess that when i sent  out the invites 2 weeks ago, i still didn’t think anything would materialize between vegas and me.  i was still luke-warm on him and trying hard to forget bob. 

after another, yes, i know, i know, night of amazing making out and completely ignoring the movie we had put on, things are a little different.

the message attached to the invite said something like “if you are ‘involved’ or ‘it’s complicated’ i’m rescinding this invitation” which makes me feel a little conflicted.  with the numbers as they are, i feel like i can focus on food and facilitating conversation, but still.  i’m not going to say that vegas and i are ‘involved’ or ‘dating’ but the sheer volume of time spent and making out that we’ve been doing lately, would imply some kind of ‘messing around’ status.  does that work?

“hey, miranda, what is up with you and vegas?” a friend will casually ask.

“oh, we are just messing around, nothing serious,”  i’ll say. 

funny, that in the 7 months of ‘hanging out’ with bob, that is pretty much all i would say of it.  i wouldn’t let myself emotionally invest any deeper bc i just knew that there wasn’t anywhere to go and i know how bad he is for me.

hmm.  so.  i guess i have to get good at pretending there is nothing going on with vegas and me at least until after the party.  and if bob is expecting anything with him and me to happen, which he has made a few casual mentions of, he will be disappointed.  maybe it is his turn to be disappointed.

exactly what i want

last night, i’m out with some friends. wesley, ophelia, vegas and some others and i look down and see a missed call…..from who?  oh yes…bob.

i’ve made a pointed effort not to contact him since sunday at the barbeque.  i’m not really giving any of these other guys a fair shot while he is in my head, so i stop making the effort.  i’ve put myself out there and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be with me, that is fine, but i’m done.

well, he hardly calls, we more text back and forth, so i get nervous that something might be wrong and i call him back. 

the conversation the way wesley hears it is goes like this “hey, yeah, oh, i’m pretty good.  i’m at clyde’s in tysons.  yeah, i’ll be here for a bit.  oh, uh, ok, see you in a few.”

so he comes, he offers to buy me drinks, is openly flirting and asking about a singles only party i’m throwing that he and some other of our friends are invited to.  we laugh and it is nice to hang out with him.

i’m kinda uncomfortable.  i’ve been so steadfast in trying to get bob out of my head, that i get irritated for enjoying myself too much.  i wouldn’t let him buy me drinks, he offered, three times.  ophelia, wesley and a bunch of other people leave and it is just vegas, bob, another guy and me.  ugh.

geez.

i pay my tab, come back to the table, chat for a few minutes, and then leave. everyone gets a hug and a kiss on the cheek and i’m out.

so, i’ve been thinking.  was i wrong?  i mean, bob did everything i would want  him to do. 

*he contacted me without any provocation which means he was thinking about me.

*he went out of his way to see me.

*he offers to buy me drinks, and i never want guys to buy me anything, but the gesture is always nice.

*he is nice and charming and it was really fun.

and i was a hardass.  i was distant and cool and nonchalant (well, i’m never really nonchalant, but i really try).

when i think about it, i’ve done this every step of the way with bob.  he goes to cancun for a work thing, and asks me what i want and i say “don’t buy me anything.”

i’m telling him how i canceled on my step sis, bc i had a “thing” with him, and he says “is that what dinner and a movie is?  a thing?” and i say “well, i never know what to call a ‘date.’” 

ugh.  brutal, huh?

but he’s done the same with me.  he’s text me late and asked me what i am doing and i’ve written back “nothing really, want company?” which everyone knows is code for “let’s get naked.” and he’s written back “no, i think i’m gonna just chill on my own.”  what? really?

 

so, what do you think?  what is the verdict?  is it hopeless?  am i hopeless?  or just romantically retarded?

thor

the situation between thor and me is less “dating” and more “stalking” on his part.

any feedback or suggestions on how to combat his unique and persistant efforts is greatly appreciated. 

i have a thing i go to every wednesday night.  i am friends with almost all the people involved, but i am not involved.  i go there to support them and give feedback.  it is social for me, i know the bartender, i laugh, i flirt, i usually have a very good time.

well, i was there one night and stepped up to the bar, away from my friends, and put my purse down so i could put my hair up.  out of nowhere this 6’5”ish blonde that i’ve never seen comes over and corners me.  a good looking guy, but things are very uncomfortable.  i’m being very nice for how awkward and strained the conversation is.  i’m laughing, making eye contact, but also trying to signal one of the 20 guys that I know there to rescue me.  i probably look borderline retarded with the awkward twitching and the bad winking.  i’ve never been a good winker.  eventually wesley does come to defend my honor.  it is always wesley doing the saving.  i asked him what took him so long and he says “well, he is tall and very nordic looking, and i know you kind of like that.”   i don’t give this guy my number.  i “laugh” off his advance and assume i’d never see this guy again. 

well, the next week he is there.  and the next.  he isn’t there to see the show.  he is there to see me.  all the guys eventually realize this and are at the ready when he comes in. 

one night he comes up to me while i’m getting a drink at the bar and he actually says “i see you not smoking.  you don’t smoke, do you?  that is good.  i’ve heard it is bad for you.”  yeah, i think i’ve read that somewhere.

one night we had sat down, there were 4 of us.  and when he came in he grabbed a table and instead of facing the show….he faced me.  he turned away from the people on the stage so that he could check me out without interruption.  creepy, huh?

well, vegas, who is 5′10″ came and sat directly in his line of vision.  ha.  he was markedly nervous, but i find it charming that he was willing to risk his own comfort for mine.

one night i was saying goodbye and trying to ignore him and he grabbed me and got serious.  i was with a friend, we’ll call her juliet, she’s right behind me giving the obvious “my-arms-are-crossed-let’s-go-already” look and his friend is right there. 

he says “miranda are you seeing anyone seriously?”

i say “i don’t do much seriously. but, eh, no, not really.  taking a break from all of that, you know?”

he says “cause i really like you and i would love to take you out.”

i probably get that look in my eye when i’m watching the movie “seven” and the poster child for sloth is about to wake up and i say “um, no, i don’t think so.  things are complicated.  i don’t really want to get into it.  but thanks.”

he makes me turn him down in front of my friend and his. 

and he still comes every week.  this is probably the 6th week.

last week he tried to buy me a drink……twice.  seriously.   

i’m unsure what the proper course of action should be.  i don’t know what to do really.  from all angles it appears that i’m gonna have to be mean and bitchy, which i hate doing. 

ideas?  thoughts?  please.

 

bob the builder

he’s not in construction, he def doesn’t build up my ego, but he’s the best date i’ve been on in a long time. 

i would not give him my phone number for weeks but texted him about where i was on my birthday.  he came out.  we went out the next week to dinner and drinks, made dinner for him and his roommates and he’s been in the wings ever since.

we have a few really good weeks.  then i think neither of us know what to do.  i’m not honest with him about my feelings.  i’m holding tight to my independence and i think he is still feeling the burn from his ex.  i think he’s afraid to get close.  he only reveals himself to me when he is drunk, a quality i seem to categorically attract, but when he gives into that and lets his guard down he is very passionate and sweet and i seem to hold onto those instances.

things cooled.  and we didn’t see eachother for a few weeks, and then we had a storm come thru on a wednesday and knock all the power out at my house.  i showed up at the thing not even sure if my shirt was black or brown and he told me to stay with him.  if my cell phone hadn’t been almost out, i probably would have said “no.” but i  went.  and we played uno, watched “knocked up,” drank too much and had a really great night.  but the next morning, i knew things would just be back to being weird.

bob  the builder has a hard time with casual sex….he says “if you like me, and you like having sex with me, it isn’t going to be long before you expect ‘boyfriendish’ things from me.”  which i interpret as “i like you enough to sleep with you, but that is where it stops.”  and that is ok.   am i wrong?

so i say “maybe it is best if i don’t come over anymore.”  and i don’t.  but i really want to. 

bob is the best example of where the “love line” theory has worked thusfar.  he is the first non-underwear model i’ve got out with.  he is in his mid thirties, about 80 percent gray, balding and not in shape.  i once had a good friend say “miranda, you are always with the best looking guy anywhere you go.”  well, she would have rethought that statement when she met bob. 

irregardless….ha.  just kidding. 

regardless, i am very attracted to bob.  he makes me laugh and i love waking up with him.  he is often the choice “go to” in moments of weakness…but often does not entertain my drunk requests…which is noble.

my sister (let’s call her desdemona because she is beautiful and loves black guys) loves bob.  she has been rooting for him all along, but doesn’t understand that he isn’t into me.   juliet likes bob too.

the truth is that i like bob.  he is the first guy i’ve considered maybe being serious with sometime eventually in the future.  maybe.

it has been about 7 months since bob and i started our romantic escapade.  i “broke things off” july 5.   i confess that i spent the night with him again recently.  no sex.  but it was a very guilty pleasure just sleeping next to him. 

i don’t know if the chapter with bob is over.  look for more to come on bob.