i herniated two discs in my back somehow over the past month. juliet was joking that it might be a sex injury, and frankly, i can’t rule that out.
but anyway, my mri is tomorrow. i’m pretty nervous. i’ve never had this done before. what i know, i’ve seen on house or grey’s anatomy. i’m going to be sucked into the big white tube thing. i’m guessing it makes a humming noise. i figure they’ll find something related to my injury, but what if they find something else?
that scares me. a lot.
violetta and i were talking a while back and she asked me “knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently in high school?”
and i said “i’d have been sluttier.”
ha. no hesitation.
i was making chicken alfredo sunday night and i accidently grabbed the wrong end of the pan (the one without the handle) with my left thumb and index finger. it really hurt. i actually think i have the pan’s insignia blazed into my thumb, it is not so good.
anyway, i grabbed a waterbottle out of the freezer that was about a third of the way filled with ice. the burn hurt so much if i took my thumb off the ice for more than 15 seconds, the pain was intolerable.
i went to sleep holding the bottle. i also went to sleep with vegas, who helped me undress bc i couldn’t undo the fastener on my bra or the zipper on my jeans. thankfully he has ample experience doing both.
normally when we take ice to bed, it plays a very different role.
thank you for your concern.
my lapse in postings isn’t because of anything in particular. i’ve been busy and tired. and things have been pretty ordinary, so i haven’t been inspired to write much.
i didn’t get to see vegas from monday to saturday night last week. that is a pretty long time for us. i would say we spend about 4 or 5 nights out of 7 together. any way, everything is still great. except….
i’m sore. my hips and back and abs. it wasn’t anything different, it was just the volume of sex.
it is funny what i think would be inappropriate to post. i think posting the exact number would be lewd, but i have no problem suggesting the frequency. ha.
it was a lot.
my cousin laura was in town for another cousin’s graduation this past weekend, and we were talking about the awkward conversations we’ve had with our grandparents.
we’re both self supporting, intelligent women, who handle most situations with ease and grace, but for some reason that isn’t enough for my grandparents.
they are really wonderful people, and i know they just don’t want us to be alone, and have someone to make a future with. but for laura and me that has always been secondary. i find friends first that usually morph into lovers. with time and alcohol. that is usually what happens.
i was living with my grandparents the first few months i moved back to the area. and it was nice to be near them bc i had been so far away for so long. however, there is such a thing as being too close and too comfortable and when my grandfather told me that i “need to find a lover” one night, i suspected that time to be drawing near.
there are few things that bring on that “how could things have gone so wrong?” thought process as when your grandfather tells you that you need to get laid.
my grandmother told laura that she should get married soon, “before she dies.” ha. nana is a very healthy woman, and while she may be in her winter season, this is more about laying the guilt on thick.
more recently nana said to me “i had all my children by the time i was your age.” yeah, that was in 1957. things are a little different now. mostly that i use 2 types of birth control to avoid that precise situation. we use a condom every time and i’m on the pill. ha. so, thank goodness my other sister gave my mom a granddaughter and grandsons, bc desdemona and i are unlikely to fill that role.
i’m not saying i’d never have kids. but a lot would have to change for me to make that decision. bc it would never happen by accident, that just isn’t my personality.
nana and gramps don’t mean any harm. i know they know we’ll be ok if we aren’t with someone, but i think they just don’t want us to be alone. they’ve been married for 56 years, and i think they just wish that companionship for us.
if i got married right now, i would have to live to 86 to have that type of statistic. that seems like a really long time.
i’m getting nervous just thinking about it.
normally, i’m not a high maintenance chick. i don’t cling. i don’t whine. i say it like i mean it and avoid passive aggressiveness and drama.
i always know when i’m about to start my monthly bc i start to get girly. not that it is a bad thing. but i can do without crying at “family guy” and the rain making me feel like the world is going to end. i’ve almost broken up with vegas 4 times this week and i know my monthly is to blame. not only do i not get to have sex, but i’m moody, and irritated, and crampy.
and no sex. ugh. well, at least i’m not pregnant.
i have pretty much the best job ever. it keeps me very busy, i love the people, i’m good at what i do and i’m recognized for that effort. my bosses also understand that we all have lives outside of the office and have no problem with us checking our facebook pages and gchatting if we aren’t in the middle of a project.
well, the bosses are away, and have been away for 2 weeks and it has been slow. i have a few scattered projects, but i’ve been doing a lot of reading and catching up on my news while i’ve been chatting with my friends on gchat.
i don’t chat as much as i used to since violetta’s work blocked it and platonic pat blocked me. but i usually have it open, and chat here and there.
vegas joined gchat yesterday, his new job allows it too and at first i was nervous. what if gchat ruins our relationship? what if it reveals that we aren’t as compatible as we think we are? what if i’m not as witty and clever on chat as i am in person, and he loses interest? what if he isn’t?
well, crisis averted, he logged in at 145pm and we chatted straight to 458pm when we both got to leave. we chatted about anything and everything. we decided we are going to go on a double date with his brother and girlfriend. picked the menu for an upcoming party i might be throwing.
long story short, gchat isn’t bad for my relationship, but it might be bad when we are busier at work.
ha.
i have a friend going thru a hard time, and consequently, some mutual friends and i are having a difficult time trying to support him. it is tough when you see someone you love make choices that are unhealthy and self destructive. i hate it. and it’s really upsetting to me.
well, i told vegas a little bit about it, just because i needed someone to talk to on the outside, who doesn’t really know everyone involved, and he was really great. i thought he might be judgemental and not understand why i was really upset but he just listened and held me close and then he told me a relevant situation of someone very close to him who had a similar problem. i was really surprised at his anecdote bc it was about someone so close and bc it was something very intimate about him that must have been hard to share.
it made me think how the most intimate things are not usually sexually oriented. at least, not to me. meeting family, discussing plans, people who’ve hurt me or loved me….when i talk about those things, that is very intimate to me. i don’t casually put those things on the table, so that conversation is a testament to me being close to vegas. he trusted me with this information that i’m sure he’s told very few people, and that is an honor and a privilege.
when it comes to the great conversations of your life, i think of probably different things than you do. the first time a sibling or parent tries to talk you out of dating someone that everyone else knows is bad for you. the conversation where you tell your spouse it is really over and you are packing your things and leaving. the time your grandmother tells you how her inlaws made her feel unwelcome and inferior and how she’ll never make anyone else feel that way. when you have to tell your nephews “well, he’s not your uncle anymore.”
when i can share that level of information with you, when i can really be honest about the way other people make me feel, that is really intimacy for me.
two of my very good friends had their marriage blessed on saturday. these are two people i’d do anything for. they are fierce friends and i’m so thankful they are in my life. and they invited me to share in this beautiful ceremony on saturday and they invited vegas too.
i got the invite prob 2 months ago, and mentioned it to vegas and he said “he didn’t know.” then the date got closer and i told him it was ok if he couldn’t go but i needed to tell them. he said then “i don’t think i can.” no prob, i responded saying i’d be solo.
so the weekend approaches and i ask him what he is doing on sat and he says “eh, not much, show at the drafthouse at 1030pm.”
wtf.
so, it wasn’t that he “couldn’t go,” it was that he “wouldn’t go.” or didn’t want to go? i don’t know. i don’t get it.
first of all, the blessing started at 6pm. he could’ve stayed until 9pm then driven back and been in arlington in time for the drafthouse at 1030.
ok, i guess this is my issue: what is the point of having a boyfriend, if he isn’t your date to weddings? or to standard other stuff. it has been 7 months, shouldn’t he want to go with me?
i mean, i guess if this is the only thing he’s really done wrong, than i can’t get that mad. can i? i guess it is the people too. these are two people who i consider family, and a ton of my oldest, best friends were also there. and he missed it. for a crappy show, he missed it.
so what do i do? i know i should ask him why he wasn’t there with me. but what if he says something i don’t like? i’m trying to think of an explanation that would end up with me not being upset about it anymore, but it is hard. i don’t expect him to read my mind, but for something like this i didn’t think he’d need to.
advice please.
the other night, vegas and i were getting into it. we had spent pretty much the entire weekend together and we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other. it is intoxicating around him. it is like all the forces in the universe are willing us to be closer. i can’t expain it.
anyway, we both….eh…finished and collapsed in a heap and he said “miranda, sex with you is everything it should be.”
