“a relationship doesn’t have to be permanent to be important”

my friend john told me this a long time ago and i just thought about it today.

when i look at the people and men that i’ve really cared about and those who’ve dropped out of my life for whatever reason, this is comforting.

i believe more in relationships than i do in god.  if i have to count on people, i trust those who’ve been there when i needed them, or wanted to be with me when i need them. 

but it is a truth that people come in and out of your life, and sometimes that’s all you get.  maybe you learn something, maybe you don’t.

but hopefully, you see a bit of yourself in that other person, and it makes the world a bit smaller and kinder to you.

because most friends don’t stick around forever.  most people will leave.  but if you find a few friends that are there when things are bad, and stick by you no matter what, you’ll be in good shape.

everything is good with me.  i was just thinking of this, and thought someone might need to hear it.

economic identity

as i was walking to my apartment from my car yesterday, i realized i was the epitome of economic confusion.

it was actually humorous if i ignored the relevant implications on society. 

i hadn’t worn a jacket to work yesterday, and we got a bit of a cold snap, so on my way home i put on my virginia tech sweatshirt over a gray frilly work shirt.  juliet was coming over for dinner, and we had talked about having fish.  i stopped at the whole foods to see what is on sale which was precisely nothing.  nothing on sale and i was trying to spend less than $10 on dinner because things will be tight until friday.  hmmm.

so, i get a baguette and my new favorite “mammoth cheddar” and move on.  i was gonna stop by the super fresh anyway and get some tomatoes, so, that is where i head to next.

the super fresh is an international market where they have all kinds of food i’ve never seen before.  spiky produce and mini eggplants and giant pears.  half the labels aren’t in english but i do pretty well.  most of the time. 

i’m looking thru their fresh fish and they have much more of a selection.  and i believe it is fresh because of the tanks and the loads of other people in line.  so it has to be turning, because all these other people can’t afford to shop at whole foods either.  the cat fish looks good.  juliet is bringing over a lemon linguine and i can make a small tomato basil salad.  i get two whole fillets.  we’ll split one and if desdemona is home, there will be enough for her too. 

the cost $7.  yes! 

finally mostly done with my day, i park, and collect my things and walk in.  i look down at myself and see me wearing a sweatshirt, dress pants and kenneth cole flats.  in one hand, my coach purse and the free promo bag that i now carry my laptop in.  in the other hand, the whole foods and super fresh bag.

and me.  feeling  old and young, still holding onto my twenties but flirting with 30.  being pleased with the amount of my paycheck, and dismayed at how quickly it seems to go out to this bill and that bill.  doting on fine things but relishing in comfort and the ability to make money stretch. 

i wonder if i’ll ever be able to buy a house.  the divorce ruined my credit, and having to put down 20 percent for a place seems impossible. 

i guess things got pretty bad for me in september, that is when i first thought hard about leaving the clinic.  since then i’ve hardly been out.  once a week, twice a week, maybe.  things have been better since i took my new job in february.  but i’ve retained the lessons about living lean.  i make it count.  if i go out once a week, i can spend $20.  and few things make my world turn like dinner and a beer with juliet and violetta. 

i guess one of the scariest things is that i’m one of the lucky ones.  me.  i’m not going to lose my car or house, i can fill up my gas tank (thank goodness it isn’t $4 a gallon anymore).  i have a good job that is secure, and if something happened and desdemona lost her job, i could support us.  it would be tight. but i could do it.

no more mammoth cheddar and we’d probably have to sell our coach and tiffany’s, but who are we to have that stuff anyway? 

i think the situation is horrible but some of the outcomes are good.  the conditions have made it easy and acceptable to say “i’m sorry, i can’t afford to ____ right now.”  i think there is less pressure to spend and a return to the kitchen table.  which is always good.  real conversations, board games, rock band nights. 

so, likely, i will continue to drink cheap wine out of nice glasses.  eat what is local and in season. mix inexpensive food with gourmet cooking techniques and enjoy things slower and longer.  enjoy the quiet. enjoy my friends.

because when it comes to friends, i feel very wealthy and very fortunate.

one of the mikes

yes, based on that title, you could assume that there are more than one suitor named “mike.” and you’d be right.

we met after a comedy show.  friend of a few friends.  seems like a cool guy.  went to a bar after the show with a bunch of other people and honestly didn’t talk to him that much.  he asked me if i was on a social networking site and i said “yes” and then he asked me for my url.  i told him i didn’t know it.  silly me, i’m used to guys asking for my number.

anyway, by the time i got home i was “friend requested” by him and accepted.  i didn’t write him a note and the next day, he remarked on that.  well, we chat back and forth.  he is funny, charming and nice.

he lives in baltimore somewhere…..northish.  over an hour away.  well, two dear friends of mine live up there too and invited me to their baby shower.  so i ask one of the mikes if he wants to grab a cup of coffee (he doesn’t drink alcohol) and he agrees.  we pick a starbucks and enjoy some java.  we have a good time….a great time.  he isn’t guarded or cynical like a lot of guys i’ve gone out with and it is refreshing to hang out with someone who isn’t going to drink my beer.  we had coffee for 2 hours.  and i felt comfortable being myself around him.  he revealed a bit of himself to me.  and i think he would be a great guy to be involved with.

well, dude puts me as his number 5 friend out of 8 on his site.  really?  that seems a little weird.  he has 1500 “friends” on there.

so, problem?  he is friends with bob the builder.  they’ve known each other for years.  i can’t really do that.  i don’t feel good about dating more than one cheerleader on a squad.  so, honestly, things will probably go nowheresville with him.  which is unfortunate, because he is a stand up guy.

i saw him again this past weekend, had a beer with him after visiting my friends and their new baby.  it was nice, he had a coke and few cigarettes and i drank a beer.  i told him i was tired and gonna go home and he said i could stay there, if i want.  i politely declined.

one of the mikes is a guy who calls me at 1230am to chat about his week.  really…just to chat.  i’m up everyday at 530am so that is kinda shitty for me.  but, overall, honestly, it comes down to his relationship with bob the builder.  he is pretty awesome, but i don’t see anything materializing from our encounters.