games

i don’t mean mind games, dating games, i’m talking about games.  ones that usually involve balls and teams.

i am a HUGE fan of football.  on sundays, during the season, it is likely that i watch football for 10 hours.  and i love it.  i adore it.   i will talk about it to anyone, i will defend my team and make fun of yours.  and if i’m out for a beer or dinner and there is a game on, i will watch it, and be distracted by it.  violetta, juliet and ophelia probably hate me during football season.  i don’t blame them. i’m irritating.

so, from august to february, i’m an asshole.  i accept that and i think most of my friends do too. 

but that is it.  i don’t follow basketball or baseball, and even though i will pretty much go to any live sporting event out there, i don’t have a team i follow so it is kind of boring.

vegas loves basketball and this march madness bullshit is driving me crazy.  ugh.  seriously.  i have no interest and no investment in this and tonight i am supposed to go over to his place and we are going to do “nothing but watch the games.”  boo.  i mean, i sincerely doubt that is all we’ll do, but come on.  i don’t even really want to do it.  but i like him, so i will.  and i compare it to movies that i want to watch that he doesn’t or that i kinda make him watch heroes and lost.

at least i get to fall asleep next to him and don’t have to get up to any alarm.  that is nice.

new stuff

i took a new job that has been keeping me very busy.  i mean, they really should because they’re paying me double what i was making before to gchat with violetta and post gratuitous blogs about my private encounters for the entire internet.

needless to say, I MISS YOU VIOLETTA and JULIET!  i’m so happy i get to see you at dinner tonight.  and other friends.

anyway, the job is great, i love it so far.  the company and people are amazing, and i’m very happy to be here.  i also feel very lucky to have a job.  times are tough for everyone.  but somehow i found a job within a week and am sitting pretty at my new post.

vegas just found out that he will likely be laid off in the next week or so.  his company is cutting approximately 90 positions.  yikes.  he seems to be suprisingly calm about it.  i elected to leave, he may have to go, but we are working on his resume this weekend. 

speaking of vegas, he is still great.  we’ve both been suprisingly busy the last two weeks, so we really have only been able to see eachother on weekends.  i don’t like that much.  we talk everyday but i miss the closeness.  i’ll admit it kinda sucks that he used to ditch shows to come see me, but he’s trying to live his dream, and i always tell him to go.  so i’m actually doing it to myself.  way to go self.  but truly, the last thing i want would be for him to resent me for holding him back.  i have no doubt how he feels about me, so, i’m ok with it.

um, i hate that football season is over, but the girls are probably happy to have me back.  ha.

all in all, things are getting better.  i am close to being in the financial position i was before my divorce, but still husband free, so i chalk that up as a win in my book.  ha.

lately

i’ve been feeling the itch to bail on vegas.  it isn’t the usual bail bc it is a lame guy who got too clingy too fast, it is me being scared of having real feelings for someone who is pretty great who i’m afraid i’m going to fuck things up with.

to be honest.  i’m a pretty awesome girlfriend.  i cook, i’m fun, i get along with his friends, i play football, i watch football, i love sex and hate cheesy romantic comedies.  i’m a low maintenance, easy going girl. guys love to bring me home and meet their parents….and their parents always love me. 

but i know me.  i know i’m bruised and broken and i always wonder what is wrong with guys when they start to fall for me. 

vegas is so nice.  and i know he is sincere when he says things like “i’ve never felt like this before about anyone” and “i love everything about you and i wouldn’t change a thing.”  but here’s the rub.  i’ve heard it all before.  i’m not saying i think these are lines, i’m saying i think we are at different places in our lives and want different things.  he’s looking for the big love and i was just in his view when he put on the binoculars.  i need a consistent playmate, who’s been burned before and WON’T fall in love with me.

 

i don’t know if i’m ready for this yet.

the weekend

it started, good, great even.  vegas stayed fri night and we rolled around in bed all morning sat.  he asked me if i was seeing anyone else.  i said “no, did you think i was?” and he said “no, but i don’t want to be presumptuous.”  and i said “vegas, this is good, we are good, i don’t want to see anyone else.”  we said our goodbyes and he headed to fredricksburg and i went to a dear friend’s baby shower. 

i had juliet, violetta and some other girlfriends over for games, wine and movie night.  it was loads of fun. 

i was asleep by midnight, and sunday was the game with bob. 

well, vegas was essentially making me miserable about it.  i was excited about the game but nervous about the conversations and texts that i knew would accompany the experience.  it was my first pro ball game and i don’t know why i should feel guilty about looking forward to it. 

i get why vegas is uneasy about it.  but, bottom line, he said it was ok.  he said he was being selfish and that he understood why it was important to me to keep this promise to bob.  i don’t know how he could think i would let anything happen when he was in my bed 4 nights last week, but i guess i didn’t do a good enough job assuring him.  and i can understand his insecurity.  if the situation was reversed, i don’t know how cool i would have been.

it is bob and this guy chris in my car.  it is FULL with tailgating food, grill, coolers, lots of stuff.  the drive there was easy, fun, we were laughing and everyone was excited.  we get there, and it is cold.  i am freezing.  i am keeping warm by standing close to the grill and drinking captain morgans and coke.  bob offers me his scarf, he has an extra hat in the car, he is overall being very nice.  but he usually is.

we are walking up to the game, and it is crowded.  i get nervous, look around for bob, and can’t see him.  i don’t remember being this anxious about crowds, but i was VERY overwhelmed.  bob appeared and asked me if i was ok.  i was practically hyper ventilating at this point, but we got to our seats, i sat down and calmed  instantly.

skins lost.  that stinks.  i hate dallas for so many reasons.  the least relevant is their football team, but is a good target to project my anger.

we made it to the car, dropped the boys off, and i was home by 1230am.  not too bad.  i was so tired from being SO cold for 7 hours, i passed out and slept to noon monday. 

vegas apologized for not handling it gracefully and i asked to see him that night.

he came over and as soon as he came in he took my face in his hands, looked me in the eye, breathed heavily and kissed me.  if i had been standing, i’m sure my knees would have buckled. 

he asked “are we ok?”

and i said “yes.”

things are good

really good with vegas.

it’s been about a month (he brought that up, btw), and things are good, great even.  we’ve figured out each other pretty well.  we are both enjoying how easy things are.  we both have a high level of comfort and are honest with each other.  and the sex, well, i didn’t think it could, but it just gets better.

vegas stayed thurs night and then fri morning he sends me a text saying “i’m working on a list of 11 things i like about you.” 

one big reason i feel good about vegas and me is because we don’t drink very much together, in fact, neither of us drink very much (except for the rare occasion) at all.  this is a good change from bob and most of the other guys i typically get involved with.  i think with bob, we never went to bed with less than 4 drinks in us and i don’t know why that was ok with me.  prob because of my history of bad relationships.  maybe because i knew bob was bad for me and the booze made it less intimate.  i ’m not sure, but i’m glad the book on bob is closed.

after last week, everyone must know about vegas and me.  cat out of bag.  not sure how the news was received from everyone, i’m sure quite a few were suprised.  i’m think i’m gonna bail on the thing wednesday and avoid those particularly awkward conversations. 

not like my week will be short of those, the football game is sunday.  great.

this part

is my favorite. 

there are butterflies when i think about him.  i am restless when he is not around me.  there is laughing and playing and smiling in bed.  lazy mornings.  not caring about being tired after being up all night and not wanting to do anything but crawl back into bed with him.

mmmmm.

unfortunately “this part” doesn’t last for too long, eventually we’ll come up for air, and see the bright light facing us and have a talk about what this is, what it means?  is it just vast amounts of gratuitous sex?  is that all we both want?  are each of us ready for whatever is next? 

let’s get real here.  i like vegas.  a lot.  i don’t sleep with men i don’t like or care about.  but he is the one who will bring this up.  he has “the feelings.”  we’ve been friends for a year, we’ve been on about 19 dates and obviously like each other.  the chemistry is amazing.  the sex is FANTASTIC. 

i’m still healing from a lot of things and i don’t know if i’m ready to be any one’s girlfriend.  i cringe every time ophelia says “dating.”  ha. 

also vegas knows bob, they aren’t tight, but vegas knows about everything with bob and me.  we all have mutual friends, we hang out and vegas doesn’t want bob to know right now.  which is good.  this is also complicated, and here is why….

one of my patients gave me amazing seats on the field for the skins/cowboys game nov 16.  awesome, right?  well, this was in early sept, way before i thought anything would happen with vegas, right around bob’s bday.  and i told him we would go.  i’m taking bob to the game.  i can’t rescind that invitation.

i should probably mention that to vegas kinda soon.

bob asked me again via chat if i was gonna hang out wed night, and i said “no.”

and he says “another hot date?”

and i say “sometimes they happen on wednesdays.  but i’m gonna try and come to your show nov 7.”

and he says “if your lover will allow it.”

and i say “stop.” 

and he says “ok.”

i guess that actually works out pretty well.  bob knows i’m involved with someone.  and we were never going to the game “together.”  it was always just gonna be a friendly thing, but i confess that when i invited him, i was hoping that something might happen. 

but now he’s out of my head.  we are done.  we are just friends.  my romantic interest in him is gone.  but i do care about him as a person, and i want to be able to remain friends with him.  i know he likes me.  he will just have to get over it.

first round draft pick

i met this guy at a bar.  i was out with juliet and we were just having a few beers before our favorite bar got too crowded on a friday night.  he approaches us, asks to use juliet’s lighter, makes a weird statement how he feels like white lighters are sanctimonious or something, and we can’t shake him.

he is funny, charming, a little bit jack-blackish and neither of us really minded his company.  his personality is a bit aggressive, but mine is too probably. 

at one point he says “i like a woman with some meat on her bones” and takes that as his season pass to stare at my boobs the rest of the night. 

i would say we are hanging out for about an hour and he comes up to me and says “you know, i’m gonna be leaving soon.”  and i say “ok.”  and he then asks me for my number and i actually got the impression that he wasn’t going to leave without it.  so i concede. 

that weekend i’m particularly busy with babysitting, cooking, visiting some friends up in baltimore and attending an art festival.  i am very unavailable.  but he texts me all weekend.  invites me to go swimming, come over and watch a movie, and to go out for a drink.  and i decline. 

the next wednesday i agree to have lunch with him.  he takes me to a local hole in the wall kebab house.  very good food and we laugh the entire time.  it was a GREAT lunch date.  my impression of him completely changed from “ignore him enough and he’ll go away” to “i bet this guy would be SO fun to date.”

he invites me to go to this VIP meet the redskins thing with him.  i’m not that excited.  the skins aren’t my team and i feel like i would have to study up so i don’t look like an idiot.  so i say “no” and he says “well, if you change your mind, let me know.  you are my first round draft pick.”  hmmmm.  that is catchy.

well, i don’t go.  and that following monday i find out that the place my sis and i were supposed to move into in 10 days won’t be available.  the contract on the house they were buying fell thru and our current lease is still up in 10 days.  so, we have less than 2 weeks to find a place for us and our two dogs to live.  ugh.

all the suitors and all the dates are moved to the back burner.  instead of leisurely lunches,   i’m looking at potential quarters, i’m stressed, i’m so stressed, i haven’t been this stressed in awhile.  well, first round draft pick doesn’t seem to get it.  bob the builder understands and he invites me over to use his internet, sends me links, gives me advice and is trying to help.  bob scores mega points during this week, he is the home team favorite.

anyway, i square things away.  desdemona and i move and first round draft pick invites me out for his 30th birthday.  things are still unsettled in my universe, and i’ve kinda cooled off this guy, so i’m hesitant.

i ask him what he is doing.  and he says “well, i’m having three parties.  one downtown friday, one at a friend’s house saturday and a happy hour on the actual birthday which is wednesday.” 

ok, first of all, who has three birthday parties?  who are you?  how am i supposed to be busy all of those days and bail out gracefully?  i agree to go to the wednesday happy hour.  i figure it is the actual day, so he’ll be wasted, it is a wednesday, so i’ve gotta work the next day, good exit strategy.  and if i can, i’m gonna go straight from this happy hour to see bob at that thing i always go to on wednesdays.

that is the plan.  i get there around 745 and plan to leave by 830.  i walk into the bar, he is there with about 12 of his boys.  there are some girls sitting at tables around, but i don’t think they are with him, so it is me and a bunch of dudes.  of course.  i drink my beer, make the rounds, laugh, i am nice, i am social and friendly.  845 rolls around and i attempt to bail.  i say “hey, i’m gonna get out of here, thanks for inviting me.  i hope you have a great birthday.”  well, that would just be too easy.  he is drunk and makes a huge scene.  he says “no!  don’t go!  i never see you!  we’re about to go to paolo’s!  you love paolo’s!  come on!”

now i’m horrified, embarrassed, and the center of attention for anyone within earshot of the bar.  it was just like a movie where it got quiet and someone drops their glass and four or five people turn to them and say “shhh!”"  you really think i’m gonna stay now?  really?  i tried to “laugh” it off but basically threw my hands up in the air and backed away slowly.  it was at this point i realized i’d never want to be alone with this guy.

so the next day.  i’m google-chatting away and this legendary conversation takes place:

frdp:  “hey, you left kinda abruptly last night, is everything ok?  was i an ass?”

me:  “no way man.  i just saw you were with your boys, seemed like you guys were in a groove, and i just thought you should be with them on your bday.”

frdp:  “ok, cool.  you looked really great last night, i’m glad you came out.  do you wanna grab a pizza?”

me:  “sorry, today is a bad day.  i’ve gotta stop by the condo, walk the pups, and run by target before i babysit in an hour.”

frdp:  “oh, right.  you are always so busy.  wanna go get pancakes?”

me:  “um.  well.  that sounds really nice and i do love pancakes, but it isn’t really the food item as much as the circumstance…i still have to do all those things i said before.”

and we talk for a bit more.

frdp:  “i really want to see you.  how bout we go get some fajitas?”

me:  “ok.  i don’t know what you want me to say here, but i already told you i cannot go and eat lunch with you today.”

frdp:  “i want you to say you’ll call in sick and come have lunch with me.”

me:  “well, i kinda think that is a lot for you to ask of me.”

frdp:  “why?”

me:  “because we’ve had lunch.”

frdp:  “whoa.  relax.  it is not like i want to have kids with you, i just want to have lunch.”

me:  “well that is good.  i hope you enjoy your day off, i’m gonna go.”

a few hours later i get a text from him that says “hey!  i’ve got something for you.  do you like walnuts?”

and i’m not even kidding.  i couldn’t make this up.  he asks me out probably 8 more times over the next few weeks i say “no” the first 3 times and i am busy every time after.  i eventually tell him i am getting back together with “this guy i’ve been on an off with for a few months.” 

and now he only writes me about football.  thank goodness.