christmas presents

i knew his parents were going to get me something for christmas.  i knew this because she sent me a card and a gift tin of cookies for thanksgiving…..and a gift tin of puppy treats for my dog.  when i brought them inside my sister looked at it and asked what it was and i said “oh, it is the new mcdonald’s holiday gift tin extra value meal.” 

vegas and i made plans to hang together last night and tonight.  and i got his parents a lovely poinsettia and made a bunch of homemade brownies and cookies for them.  he brought in a trash bag of gifts.  the trash back contained three separate gift bags:  one for me, one for the house, and one for the dogs.  the one for me had a scarf and a special pancake set that had special syrups which is awesome  bc i make pancakes every weekend.  the one for the house had coffee and treats, and the one for the dogs had two chew toys….so it actually looked like a lot more than there was.

it has been two and a half months….a moment of silence please….and things are great.  last night we watched “scrooged” with all the lights out except for the christmas tree.  money has been tight this year, and i didn’t think it was necessary to go all out at this point.  so i got him the “dark knight” which he adores and gave it to him early, while he was sick the week before last.  he gives me my present tonight.  i’m a little nervous.  i hope he followed suit. 

meanwhile, it is freaking freezing in washington.  juliet, love, i hope you are having a wonderful time back home, but i’ve picked up my phone several times to call or text you since you left saturday.  miss you and love you.

oh, and the brownies….are the best brownies i’ve ever had.

a day at the museums

vegas had this idea to go downtown and take me to the museums.   i don’t know if he was just suggesting it or had actually planned on it panning out, but my enthusiastic response to his offer and my quickly following exhibit recommendations obviously showed him this was something i love to do.

juliet and i go to the museums probably every 4 months.  i love to see the seasons change on the mall.  i love it.  the smithsonian is free.  FREE.  and it holds a wealth of information and culture and exposure to things i may not know or understand or get, but it doesn’t matter.  there is so much there, you could never see it all and you should go.  GO!

we went to the american history museum to see the jim hensen exhibit.  SO excited, but it was closed!  boo!  oh well, then we went to the natural history…he wanted to see the woolly mammoth….in juliet’s least favorite exhibit….ha, well she wasn’t there, so it was ok.  it was fun.  we found the dinosaur that was most likely to be my dog if we were prehistoric people.  i found out that vegas is scared of spiders…a lot…when we walked thru the bug exhibit.  oops.

then we went to the hirshhorn.  he didn’t get it.  he was like “is this art or decoration?” which i found adorable.  we were looking at a sculpture and he says “what is this?  someone’s wrecked car?”  and out of nowhere a volunteer came out and started talking about the artist and showed us, in her opinion, the best representation of his art in the museum.  vegas was clearly uninterested, but he listened intently in his yankee’s shirt and asked questions.  it was nice of him.  he is pretty great.  while we were riding the escalator, he stood behind me, leaned in and kissed my hair and neck.

we walked downstairs and there is a sculpture of hangers and he looked at it quickly and said “that’s pretty cool.” and then he said “wait, those are hangers.”  ha.

then we went to the national gallery, strolled thru, it was getting late, so we headed back.

when we got off the metro, i called the chinese food place we both like near my house and ordered take out.  we picked it up, i pulled out my wallet, and he said “i got it.”  we went back to my house, ate and watched the giants game for a bit then made out for 3 hours.  ha.  no sex.  just rolling around in bed, unable to keep our hands off each other.

he left around 10pm.  giants won.  9 hour date was amazing.  we made plans for dinner on thursday.  can’t wait. 

the discussion came up about who he has told and who i’ve told.  he said 3 of our mutual friends and his brother.  i said ophelia, juliet, violetta and desdemona AND THE WHOLE INTERNET.  no i didn’t say the “the whole internet” because he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t need to know about this blog.  i said i wanted to be the one to tell wesley, but am not in any hurry to do that.  that is where the conversation stopped.  i didn’t go to the “well, what am i gonna tell them?  what is going on with us?” because i think it is good that we are ok without the definition, at least for now.

and…..it begins

so, after another weekend of sexy time with vegas, it begins.  he is trying to qualify our romance. 

ew.  i can’t believe i just typed “romance.”

obviously, i’m not sure where this is going.  i like him.  i enjoy being with him.  and i’m cool with hanging out, having sex, and seeing where it leads us.  if feelings develop, fine.

ew.  i can’t believe i just typed “feelings.”

he wrote an email to me today that says “what movie do you wanna watch on thurs?  and we actually have to watch this one.”

ok ok ok.  i know what he is doing.  he’s trying to figure out if this relationship, ugh, is viable without the sex.  but why would we not have sex?  when it is that good, why would you not do it?  that doesn’t make sense to me.

he’s taking me to the museums on sunday, then we are gonna go watch the giants’ game at 4 and then back to my place for dinner.  a total date day.  should be great.  i’m looking forward to all of it.  i really am. 

i guess the difference here, is that i’ve had the “big love.”  i’ve had the “mad love,” the “sad when he’s away love,” the “can’t get close enough love,” the “i’ll do anything for you love.”  i’ve completely lost myself in that. i forgot who i was.  and things got so bad that my light was pretty much out when i finally picked up and left. 

all for love.

i don’t know if i’m ready for that.  and vegas is a guy who it could happen with.  the same things are important to us.  we have fun, we cherish our families, we like to laugh, we are great friends, and we are different enough to keep things interesting.

i guess i’ll wait for the “so….what is this exactly?  are we dating?  am i your boyfriend?” conversation.

the party and the aftermath

i knew it was gonna be risky with having both bob and vegas at the single’s party. 

i’ve ignored vegas’s advances for about a year, but good things are worth waiting for.  we are having SO much fun.  he makes me laugh, he is charming, he is sweet and i feel like he really wants to be with me.  we have grown to be pretty close friends in the last year, and i trust him.  i love the way he talks about his family, i love the way he looks at me. i love the way he pulls me to him and holds the side of my face when he kisses me.  it blows my mind that two weeks ago, i didn’t see this coming at all.  i’ve been totally blind-sided.  and it is awesome.

well, i was excited to pretend to ignore vegas during the party.  we talked about it and decided that is was best to not “come out” with the info just yet.  especially to casual friends.  vegas was texting me throughout the party and was very sweet.  he pulled me into the kitchen when no one else was there, he pretended to be getting something from the fridge and kissed me under the cover of the door.  we had a series of covert making out sessions during the party and it was pretty hot.  i was definitely looking forward to him staying after the party.  we had talked about it, he was gonna stay, he had the parking pass already in his car. 

the exit strategy was perfect, at midnight, they start towing so everyone had to leave.  party started at 7, and i asked ophelia if she would initiate the leaving at 1030.  most people didn’t have the day off, so, i figured they would all wanna be out of here around that time anyway. 

the sangria was crucial.  i mixed 4 bottles of champagne with brandy and vodka, added grapefruit, tangerine, lime and a lite beer.  i froze half a tangerine, grapes and limes so it would keep the sangria cold, so i didn’t have to dilute it with ice cubes.  it was amazing.  anyway, after i got the food out, i relaxed a bit, had two glasses of sangria, and i was feeling great.  then i had a few beers…and i was no longer sober.

people were leaving, the texts from vegas got more and more detailed and suggestive.  i was having a great time.  before i know it, just vegas, bob and i remain.  awkward.  hmmm.  while bob is in the bathroom, vegas says to me that “bob is gonna try and stay” and i say “there is no way that he could think that is an option.”  ugh.

i am very tipsy, and notice that it is 1155, omg.  and i say “oh, geez, you guys have to go.  they start towing at midnight.”  bob and vegas both leave, but vegas just drives around and comes back.  awesome.  bob calls me at 1205, but i am already “busy” with vegas, and i don’t see that he’s called. 

when i check my phone in the morning, i see another missed call from bob and a text an hour later that says “goodnight drunk miranda.”  ha.  fair enough.

well then he calls the next day.  and he asks did i really “want him to leave.”  ugh.  and i say “i wanted everyone to leave, it was late, i was drunk, it was time.”  and he says “well, am i gonna see you wednesday, or are you gonna be out with your boyfriend?” and i say “i don’t have a boyfriend.” and he says ” well, one of your boys then.”  and i say “you don’t have to say it like that, i’m allowed to have ‘boys’ if i don’t have a ‘boyfriend.’” and he says “i know.” 

then i say “i don’t really feel like chatting, i’ll talk to you later.”  and i can tell he is upset about it, but wtf, what is wrong with him?  really?  really? 

he sends me a text a bit later that says “btw, your dog is the cutest ever.” 

i reply “i know.  i’m sorry i didn’t feel like chatting earlier.  i guess i don’t know what you want from me.”

and he says back “i wasn’t expecting to stay the night with you, i just felt like i was all of a sudden in the way and keeping you from vegas.” 

ugh.

i said “they start towing at midnight.”  that is all i wrote.  i didn’t want to confirm or deny any suggestion he was offering.

and he says “you said that already.”  and resumes easy comfortable chat about football and whatnot.

thank goodness.

and in the meantime all i can think about is vegas.  he is in my head and i am so glad he pushed bob out.

singles only cocktail party

i’m throwing this party on sunday.  singles only.  6 guys, 6 girls and me.

serving a gourmet nacho with shrimp, avocado and brie, marinated flank steak skewers, crab cakes, broccoli salad, a lemon mousse cake, chocolate chip brownies and my signature champagne sangria.

ophelia asked if there were any of my guy friends that i would set her up with, but honestly, that never works.  i’m setting myself up to be “in the middle” if things get bad, and i don’t want the pressure of it.

so, this party is my solution.  i’m inviting a gaggle of my single friends to get together, if they don’t already know each other, they can meet and be confident that no one is attached, and that will work well.  i think.

well.  vegas and bob are both invited.  as are 2 more guys that know BOTH of them.  and ophelia and violetta who have pretty much gotten the play by play details for both of these guys.  what a mess.  ha. 

i’ll confess that when i sent  out the invites 2 weeks ago, i still didn’t think anything would materialize between vegas and me.  i was still luke-warm on him and trying hard to forget bob. 

after another, yes, i know, i know, night of amazing making out and completely ignoring the movie we had put on, things are a little different.

the message attached to the invite said something like “if you are ‘involved’ or ‘it’s complicated’ i’m rescinding this invitation” which makes me feel a little conflicted.  with the numbers as they are, i feel like i can focus on food and facilitating conversation, but still.  i’m not going to say that vegas and i are ‘involved’ or ‘dating’ but the sheer volume of time spent and making out that we’ve been doing lately, would imply some kind of ‘messing around’ status.  does that work?

“hey, miranda, what is up with you and vegas?” a friend will casually ask.

“oh, we are just messing around, nothing serious,”  i’ll say. 

funny, that in the 7 months of ‘hanging out’ with bob, that is pretty much all i would say of it.  i wouldn’t let myself emotionally invest any deeper bc i just knew that there wasn’t anywhere to go and i know how bad he is for me.

hmm.  so.  i guess i have to get good at pretending there is nothing going on with vegas and me at least until after the party.  and if bob is expecting anything with him and me to happen, which he has made a few casual mentions of, he will be disappointed.  maybe it is his turn to be disappointed.

best first kiss ever?

vegas and i finally watched wayne’s world last night.  i haven’t watched it in  years…pretty hilarious.

he said he wanted chocolate chip cookies, so i made him chocolate chip brownies.  ha.  i like being a little difficult.  he was not disappointed.  they were pretty amazing.

anyway, vegas finally kissed me.  it was really nice.  probably one of the best first kisses ever.  nothing awkward, nothing weird, just a solid, intense, hot kiss.

dudes at starbucks and trader joe’s

this is a not any one guy.  this is a collective group of men who i am VERY popular with. 

i would say i get asked out at starbucks at least once a week.  hit on 3 or 4 times.  maybe it is my no frills ventidripnoroom that is alluring to men.  maybe it says “low maintenance, economic, and easy.”  ha.  my coffee says i’m “easy.”  THAT is funny.

and at trader joe’s i feel like i am a super model.  which is ridiculous, because if i’m at trader joe’s i’m feeling lazy and buying mini tacos.  that is the only thing i consistently go there for because they are not as good anywhere else.  i highly recommend you check those suckers out.  anyway, i’m usually in sweatpants, a hoody, flip flops, hair is usually in buns or braids if i’m at trader joe’s.  maybe people who shop at trader joe’s find “homeless” sexy, i don’t know.  i think it is the glasses and hair and the mini tacos.  maybe it puts a “fun, not too serious or domesticated” look to me.  i’m not sure, but they LOVE it. 

i’ve never seriously entertained an advance from a dude at starbucks or trader joe’s.  they never seem sincere or something, but maybe i should. 

has anyone ever had luck with a random advance in a coffee shop, book or grocery store?

exactly what i want

last night, i’m out with some friends. wesley, ophelia, vegas and some others and i look down and see a missed call…..from who?  oh yes…bob.

i’ve made a pointed effort not to contact him since sunday at the barbeque.  i’m not really giving any of these other guys a fair shot while he is in my head, so i stop making the effort.  i’ve put myself out there and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be with me, that is fine, but i’m done.

well, he hardly calls, we more text back and forth, so i get nervous that something might be wrong and i call him back. 

the conversation the way wesley hears it is goes like this “hey, yeah, oh, i’m pretty good.  i’m at clyde’s in tysons.  yeah, i’ll be here for a bit.  oh, uh, ok, see you in a few.”

so he comes, he offers to buy me drinks, is openly flirting and asking about a singles only party i’m throwing that he and some other of our friends are invited to.  we laugh and it is nice to hang out with him.

i’m kinda uncomfortable.  i’ve been so steadfast in trying to get bob out of my head, that i get irritated for enjoying myself too much.  i wouldn’t let him buy me drinks, he offered, three times.  ophelia, wesley and a bunch of other people leave and it is just vegas, bob, another guy and me.  ugh.

geez.

i pay my tab, come back to the table, chat for a few minutes, and then leave. everyone gets a hug and a kiss on the cheek and i’m out.

so, i’ve been thinking.  was i wrong?  i mean, bob did everything i would want  him to do. 

*he contacted me without any provocation which means he was thinking about me.

*he went out of his way to see me.

*he offers to buy me drinks, and i never want guys to buy me anything, but the gesture is always nice.

*he is nice and charming and it was really fun.

and i was a hardass.  i was distant and cool and nonchalant (well, i’m never really nonchalant, but i really try).

when i think about it, i’ve done this every step of the way with bob.  he goes to cancun for a work thing, and asks me what i want and i say “don’t buy me anything.”

i’m telling him how i canceled on my step sis, bc i had a “thing” with him, and he says “is that what dinner and a movie is?  a thing?” and i say “well, i never know what to call a ‘date.’” 

ugh.  brutal, huh?

but he’s done the same with me.  he’s text me late and asked me what i am doing and i’ve written back “nothing really, want company?” which everyone knows is code for “let’s get naked.” and he’s written back “no, i think i’m gonna just chill on my own.”  what? really?

 

so, what do you think?  what is the verdict?  is it hopeless?  am i hopeless?  or just romantically retarded?

exit strategy

i think the exit strategy is the key to happiness.  i employ one for almost every obligation i enter into.  i don’t always use it, but i always have one.

there are a few ways you can use the exit strategy.  i suggest introducing it early, when you get there, for example, and then everyone knows what to expect.  you have helped manage their expectations of you for the course of the obligation.  then, if you are having a remarkable time and you decide to bail on the exit strategy, they are flattered and know you want to be there. 

you can do the surprise exit strategy, but that is sometimes forced and looks less than candid.

i work very early every day, so i can always bail saying i’m tired or have to get up early….and it is true.  my dogs can always use walking or feeding.  ”i’ve got a thing” is one of my favorites.  and i think sometimes saying “it is time for me to go” is good enough.  no further explanation is needed. 

that is mostly why i only go on lunch dates with guys i don’t know if i like yet.  there is usually no drinking, there is no kissing after a lunch date, well, none i’ve been on recently, and when it is done, it is done.  i get in my car, he gets in his and we go back to our lives.  i get to decide if i want to see him again.

dating is hectic and stressful and there is a time when you will want to make a graceful exit and it is not graceful to say “i am SO tired of talking to you” or “do you really have no idea that you have mustard on your face, use your napkin, i’m sick of looking at it, goodbye.”  now, i don’t think it is nice to be untrue, but it is also unnecessary to wound a guy’s ego.  and honestly, it is easy to do, so, i suggest be kind.  make the focus of why you are leaving not about the guy if it possible.  i find it usually is. 

 i’ve been amazed the times a guy has asked to see me again after some horrible dates….i’ve wanted to say “really?  after that?  after you talked about hunting deer and debating abortion, you want a round two?”  but i didn’t, because chances are good that our paths will cross again, and i don’t want to be the bad guy.  if he asks you to go out again, it is ok to say “i don’t think this is gonna work out, but good luck with everything.  i’m sure i’ll see you around.” 

you can think it is crappy, but i use an exit strategy all the time.  i use it on thanksgiving, once all the dishes are done, so i can go grab a drink with my friends.  i use on on christmas eve to bail at my grandparents’ house because i have a dinner at my place for friends who can’t see their fams on christmas.  i use it for birthdays, baby/bridal showers, barbeques, all kinds of things that i try to limit my time at. 

i see it this way: no one wants you somewhere if you don’t want to be there, and no one wants to be with some one who doesn’t want to be with them. 

so, enjoy it while you are there, and as soon as you are done with it, get out.  it isn’t so bad to have people miss you and leave them wanting more.

mr. perfect purse

what i need is a guy who is awesome enough to knock all these lame-o suitors out of the water and off my radar. 

are you out there, mr. perfect purse?

i think glasses are dreamy and i’d prefer tall, but really…..stability, honesty, kindness, goodness, independence would be a great place to start.

a consistant playmate would be great….for a bit.  until next season.  yes.

maybe i’ll take a week off dating.  a week off and who is standing when the dust settles.  i wonder who i’ll miss?