exactly what i want

last night, i’m out with some friends. wesley, ophelia, vegas and some others and i look down and see a missed call…..from who?  oh yes…bob.

i’ve made a pointed effort not to contact him since sunday at the barbeque.  i’m not really giving any of these other guys a fair shot while he is in my head, so i stop making the effort.  i’ve put myself out there and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be with me, that is fine, but i’m done.

well, he hardly calls, we more text back and forth, so i get nervous that something might be wrong and i call him back. 

the conversation the way wesley hears it is goes like this “hey, yeah, oh, i’m pretty good.  i’m at clyde’s in tysons.  yeah, i’ll be here for a bit.  oh, uh, ok, see you in a few.”

so he comes, he offers to buy me drinks, is openly flirting and asking about a singles only party i’m throwing that he and some other of our friends are invited to.  we laugh and it is nice to hang out with him.

i’m kinda uncomfortable.  i’ve been so steadfast in trying to get bob out of my head, that i get irritated for enjoying myself too much.  i wouldn’t let him buy me drinks, he offered, three times.  ophelia, wesley and a bunch of other people leave and it is just vegas, bob, another guy and me.  ugh.

geez.

i pay my tab, come back to the table, chat for a few minutes, and then leave. everyone gets a hug and a kiss on the cheek and i’m out.

so, i’ve been thinking.  was i wrong?  i mean, bob did everything i would want  him to do. 

*he contacted me without any provocation which means he was thinking about me.

*he went out of his way to see me.

*he offers to buy me drinks, and i never want guys to buy me anything, but the gesture is always nice.

*he is nice and charming and it was really fun.

and i was a hardass.  i was distant and cool and nonchalant (well, i’m never really nonchalant, but i really try).

when i think about it, i’ve done this every step of the way with bob.  he goes to cancun for a work thing, and asks me what i want and i say “don’t buy me anything.”

i’m telling him how i canceled on my step sis, bc i had a “thing” with him, and he says “is that what dinner and a movie is?  a thing?” and i say “well, i never know what to call a ‘date.’” 

ugh.  brutal, huh?

but he’s done the same with me.  he’s text me late and asked me what i am doing and i’ve written back “nothing really, want company?” which everyone knows is code for “let’s get naked.” and he’s written back “no, i think i’m gonna just chill on my own.”  what? really?

 

so, what do you think?  what is the verdict?  is it hopeless?  am i hopeless?  or just romantically retarded?

mediocre purse collection

i was listening to “love line” (yes they still do broadcast it) awhile back and it occurred to me that i serially attract men who are mostly dicks.  good looking, alpha-malish, but with serious personality flaws like control, anger, confidence, authority, and trust issues.  and regardless of how hot you are, it is not okay for me to get into another relationship where i don’t feel safe.

hmmm, so, what do i do?  well…..dr. drew says to the other unfortunate ass-magnet that she should date guys she isn’t initially attracted to.  what?  really?  that is the plan?  fuck.

so, i’m supposed meet guys and go out with them and hope they grow on me?  is that it?  well, shit…that kinda sucks. 

that is kinda how this started.

now i have a gaggle of suitors that are easily forgettable until they do something memorable which is usually so bad it lands them on this blog.

i compare these guys to a mediocre purse collection.  i’m constantly looking for a new one, because they all are missing something.   maybe it doesn’t hold everything i need it to, or i have one that is pretty similar already, or maybe it just doesn’t look good with most of what i wear.

so here we are and here we go.