“by the time i was your age”

my cousin laura was in town for another cousin’s graduation this past weekend, and we were talking about the awkward conversations we’ve had with our grandparents. 

we’re both self supporting, intelligent women, who handle most situations with ease and grace, but for some reason that isn’t enough for my grandparents.

they are really wonderful people, and i know they just don’t want us to be alone, and have someone to make a future with.  but for laura and me that has always been secondary.  i find friends first that usually morph into lovers.  with time and alcohol.  that is usually what happens.

i was living with my grandparents the first few months i moved back to the area.  and it was nice to be near them bc i had been so far away for so long.  however, there is such a thing as being too close and too comfortable and when my grandfather told me that i “need to find a lover” one night, i suspected that time to be drawing near.

there are few things that bring on that “how could things have gone so wrong?” thought process as when your grandfather tells you that you need to get laid.

my grandmother told laura that she should get married soon, “before she dies.”  ha.  nana is a very healthy woman, and while she may be in her winter season, this is more about laying the guilt on thick.

more recently nana said to me “i had all my children by the time i was your age.”  yeah, that was in 1957.  things are a little different now.  mostly that i use 2 types of birth control to avoid that precise situation.  we use a condom every time and i’m on the pill.  ha.  so, thank goodness my other sister gave my mom a granddaughter and grandsons, bc desdemona and i are unlikely to fill that role.

i’m not saying i’d never have kids.  but a lot would have to change for me to make that decision.  bc it would never happen by accident, that just isn’t my personality.

nana and gramps don’t mean any harm.  i know they know we’ll be ok if we aren’t with someone, but i think they just don’t want us to be alone.  they’ve been married for 56 years, and i think they just wish that companionship for us.

if i got married right now, i would have to live to 86 to have that type of statistic.  that seems like a really long time.

i’m getting nervous just thinking about it.

lots of love

vegas and i were in bed pretty much all weekend.  i went to his show on fri, went home with him, spent most of sat with him, then i went to babysit, he had another show, but he came over after.  sunday we stayed in bed until 11am and then got everything ready to go visit his parent for a few hours.  then we watched some tv, made some popcorn and relaxed.  then we went to bed and were up at 5am this morning….you know….being sexy.

well, i’m out of condoms, so i went on my lunch break to go pick some up.  and when i’m buying something that could be embarrassing, i pick something else up to cover the item of interest.  i know it is stupid.  i do the same thing with tampons and bad beer. 

well, i grab a pack of gum, i’m almost out anyway.  and stroll by the condom aisle as nonchalantly as possible.  it is like the worst aisle in target.  home pregnancy tests, condoms, all kinds of hoohaa medicine, foot fungus stuff.  yikes.  it would probably be hysterical to film that aisle and watch the footage bc everyone is very uncomfortable there.

well, target is out of the 12 pack of our condoms.  and even the three pack, which i don’t even bother buying anymore, but in a pinch, it would work.  well, i’m feeling empowered after the encouragement i received after writing “sex in bulk,” so i grab the 36 pack of condoms.  that is right.  hear me roar.

so, i put the condoms on the conveyer  belt, with the pack of gum on top.  the gum doesn’t even cover the condoms, but it still makes me feel more comfortable, so whatever.  and….of course, some drop-dead handsome guy gets in line behind me with nothing but a 3 pack of condoms.  ha!

the cashier sees what he is purchasing and looks at me and then looks at him, and her eyes get all wide, but she doesn’t say anything. 

meanwhile, i’m literally sweating, trying not to die or laugh or puke, and avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

i leave, and practically run out of target.

 

$13 for 36 condoms! if you can handle the other hot shoppers, then i highly suggest it.

 

so, we are def set for a few weeks.

sex in bulk

vegas and i share the responsibility of buying condoms.  i have no problem with it, neither does he.  i stock my place, he stocks his, and i keep a few in my purse, just in case we are…..out.

i buy what he buys, bc i figure he’s most comfortable with it, so they are the trojans in the orange box.   i usually buy the pack of 12 bc it is just over $6 at target.  plus i like having more because i feel like it takes any pressure off him.

so, i go to target yesterday, and see something i’ve never seen before.  a 36 pack!  this isn’t costco, i mean, seriously.  and you know what else?  it was $13.  $13!!!  that is a good price.

but i couldn’t do it.  me.  a 29 year old adult in an exclusive relationship.  i was worried the 15 year old that was gonna check me out would judge me.

i told violetta about this and she agreed.  she said i should “put on a wedding band and then buy them.”  HA. 

i can count the number of men i’ve been with on one hand and still i’m worried about being judged by some stranger.  when really, all i’m trying to do is be responsible and save money.