romance for roodle wrote “One idea: If you let Vegas know how you feel (including that you know is feelings haven’t changed, and that you want this to work), and tell him that you think of bailing when you feel this way, he’ll have a chance to fix it with you. Good luck hanging in until you & Vegas can reconnect!” about my last post.
and she is right. vegas and i talked about it, made plans for this week and i feel better.
i guess it is a defense mechanism of mine. when i get close to someone, and feel like they are pulling away from me, i brace myself for the worst, close myself off, and exit the situation before things get too personal. that is what i do. i know, i know. it is cowardly.
and the thing is that i understand why someone wouldn’t want to be with me. i have baggage, i’m cynical, i constantly second-guess my own and other people’s feelings and am a habitual apologizer.
but i’m also loyal, fiercely honest and passionate. and i think i’m fun. and generally, i think i do pretty well as a friend.
and the whole thing that gets me is that i do like vegas enough to stick with this and at least try. i wouldn’t feel right if i didn’t try. so, i didn’t bail. we made it thru the weekend. we are good. if i can keep my insecurities in check, i think there is a lot to us.
