exit strategy

i think the exit strategy is the key to happiness.  i employ one for almost every obligation i enter into.  i don’t always use it, but i always have one.

there are a few ways you can use the exit strategy.  i suggest introducing it early, when you get there, for example, and then everyone knows what to expect.  you have helped manage their expectations of you for the course of the obligation.  then, if you are having a remarkable time and you decide to bail on the exit strategy, they are flattered and know you want to be there. 

you can do the surprise exit strategy, but that is sometimes forced and looks less than candid.

i work very early every day, so i can always bail saying i’m tired or have to get up early….and it is true.  my dogs can always use walking or feeding.  ”i’ve got a thing” is one of my favorites.  and i think sometimes saying “it is time for me to go” is good enough.  no further explanation is needed. 

that is mostly why i only go on lunch dates with guys i don’t know if i like yet.  there is usually no drinking, there is no kissing after a lunch date, well, none i’ve been on recently, and when it is done, it is done.  i get in my car, he gets in his and we go back to our lives.  i get to decide if i want to see him again.

dating is hectic and stressful and there is a time when you will want to make a graceful exit and it is not graceful to say “i am SO tired of talking to you” or “do you really have no idea that you have mustard on your face, use your napkin, i’m sick of looking at it, goodbye.”  now, i don’t think it is nice to be untrue, but it is also unnecessary to wound a guy’s ego.  and honestly, it is easy to do, so, i suggest be kind.  make the focus of why you are leaving not about the guy if it possible.  i find it usually is. 

 i’ve been amazed the times a guy has asked to see me again after some horrible dates….i’ve wanted to say “really?  after that?  after you talked about hunting deer and debating abortion, you want a round two?”  but i didn’t, because chances are good that our paths will cross again, and i don’t want to be the bad guy.  if he asks you to go out again, it is ok to say “i don’t think this is gonna work out, but good luck with everything.  i’m sure i’ll see you around.” 

you can think it is crappy, but i use an exit strategy all the time.  i use it on thanksgiving, once all the dishes are done, so i can go grab a drink with my friends.  i use on on christmas eve to bail at my grandparents’ house because i have a dinner at my place for friends who can’t see their fams on christmas.  i use it for birthdays, baby/bridal showers, barbeques, all kinds of things that i try to limit my time at. 

i see it this way: no one wants you somewhere if you don’t want to be there, and no one wants to be with some one who doesn’t want to be with them. 

so, enjoy it while you are there, and as soon as you are done with it, get out.  it isn’t so bad to have people miss you and leave them wanting more.

first round draft pick

i met this guy at a bar.  i was out with juliet and we were just having a few beers before our favorite bar got too crowded on a friday night.  he approaches us, asks to use juliet’s lighter, makes a weird statement how he feels like white lighters are sanctimonious or something, and we can’t shake him.

he is funny, charming, a little bit jack-blackish and neither of us really minded his company.  his personality is a bit aggressive, but mine is too probably. 

at one point he says “i like a woman with some meat on her bones” and takes that as his season pass to stare at my boobs the rest of the night. 

i would say we are hanging out for about an hour and he comes up to me and says “you know, i’m gonna be leaving soon.”  and i say “ok.”  and he then asks me for my number and i actually got the impression that he wasn’t going to leave without it.  so i concede. 

that weekend i’m particularly busy with babysitting, cooking, visiting some friends up in baltimore and attending an art festival.  i am very unavailable.  but he texts me all weekend.  invites me to go swimming, come over and watch a movie, and to go out for a drink.  and i decline. 

the next wednesday i agree to have lunch with him.  he takes me to a local hole in the wall kebab house.  very good food and we laugh the entire time.  it was a GREAT lunch date.  my impression of him completely changed from “ignore him enough and he’ll go away” to “i bet this guy would be SO fun to date.”

he invites me to go to this VIP meet the redskins thing with him.  i’m not that excited.  the skins aren’t my team and i feel like i would have to study up so i don’t look like an idiot.  so i say “no” and he says “well, if you change your mind, let me know.  you are my first round draft pick.”  hmmmm.  that is catchy.

well, i don’t go.  and that following monday i find out that the place my sis and i were supposed to move into in 10 days won’t be available.  the contract on the house they were buying fell thru and our current lease is still up in 10 days.  so, we have less than 2 weeks to find a place for us and our two dogs to live.  ugh.

all the suitors and all the dates are moved to the back burner.  instead of leisurely lunches,   i’m looking at potential quarters, i’m stressed, i’m so stressed, i haven’t been this stressed in awhile.  well, first round draft pick doesn’t seem to get it.  bob the builder understands and he invites me over to use his internet, sends me links, gives me advice and is trying to help.  bob scores mega points during this week, he is the home team favorite.

anyway, i square things away.  desdemona and i move and first round draft pick invites me out for his 30th birthday.  things are still unsettled in my universe, and i’ve kinda cooled off this guy, so i’m hesitant.

i ask him what he is doing.  and he says “well, i’m having three parties.  one downtown friday, one at a friend’s house saturday and a happy hour on the actual birthday which is wednesday.” 

ok, first of all, who has three birthday parties?  who are you?  how am i supposed to be busy all of those days and bail out gracefully?  i agree to go to the wednesday happy hour.  i figure it is the actual day, so he’ll be wasted, it is a wednesday, so i’ve gotta work the next day, good exit strategy.  and if i can, i’m gonna go straight from this happy hour to see bob at that thing i always go to on wednesdays.

that is the plan.  i get there around 745 and plan to leave by 830.  i walk into the bar, he is there with about 12 of his boys.  there are some girls sitting at tables around, but i don’t think they are with him, so it is me and a bunch of dudes.  of course.  i drink my beer, make the rounds, laugh, i am nice, i am social and friendly.  845 rolls around and i attempt to bail.  i say “hey, i’m gonna get out of here, thanks for inviting me.  i hope you have a great birthday.”  well, that would just be too easy.  he is drunk and makes a huge scene.  he says “no!  don’t go!  i never see you!  we’re about to go to paolo’s!  you love paolo’s!  come on!”

now i’m horrified, embarrassed, and the center of attention for anyone within earshot of the bar.  it was just like a movie where it got quiet and someone drops their glass and four or five people turn to them and say “shhh!”"  you really think i’m gonna stay now?  really?  i tried to “laugh” it off but basically threw my hands up in the air and backed away slowly.  it was at this point i realized i’d never want to be alone with this guy.

so the next day.  i’m google-chatting away and this legendary conversation takes place:

frdp:  “hey, you left kinda abruptly last night, is everything ok?  was i an ass?”

me:  “no way man.  i just saw you were with your boys, seemed like you guys were in a groove, and i just thought you should be with them on your bday.”

frdp:  “ok, cool.  you looked really great last night, i’m glad you came out.  do you wanna grab a pizza?”

me:  “sorry, today is a bad day.  i’ve gotta stop by the condo, walk the pups, and run by target before i babysit in an hour.”

frdp:  “oh, right.  you are always so busy.  wanna go get pancakes?”

me:  “um.  well.  that sounds really nice and i do love pancakes, but it isn’t really the food item as much as the circumstance…i still have to do all those things i said before.”

and we talk for a bit more.

frdp:  “i really want to see you.  how bout we go get some fajitas?”

me:  “ok.  i don’t know what you want me to say here, but i already told you i cannot go and eat lunch with you today.”

frdp:  “i want you to say you’ll call in sick and come have lunch with me.”

me:  “well, i kinda think that is a lot for you to ask of me.”

frdp:  “why?”

me:  “because we’ve had lunch.”

frdp:  “whoa.  relax.  it is not like i want to have kids with you, i just want to have lunch.”

me:  “well that is good.  i hope you enjoy your day off, i’m gonna go.”

a few hours later i get a text from him that says “hey!  i’ve got something for you.  do you like walnuts?”

and i’m not even kidding.  i couldn’t make this up.  he asks me out probably 8 more times over the next few weeks i say “no” the first 3 times and i am busy every time after.  i eventually tell him i am getting back together with “this guy i’ve been on an off with for a few months.” 

and now he only writes me about football.  thank goodness.

about the author

the author of this blog chooses to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.  while she is sincere and truthful in her reports of situations with her suitors, the author does not want to embarrass or alienate anyone of them.  or anyone at all.  it is a small world and she doesn’t wish to have even the most peripheral of contacts realize they have been posted on this blog.

to protect their anonymity, they have been given nicknames and we will call the author “miranda” the naive daughter from “the tempest,” her favorite work of shakespeare.

miranda is in her late, ugh, twenties.  she moved back to the washington area a year and a half ago after being away for 4 years.   she is newly divorced and hesitant to get into anything that is serious.  she is interested in finding someone who is busy with their own life, enjoys laughing, and is open about what they want, don’t want.  she is tall, attractive, smart and easy to talk to.  when a very good friend was asked to describe her in three words she was stated as being “straightforward, hilarious, loyal.” 

before miranda was involved seriously with her ex, she wasn’t involved seriously with anyone….ever.  her longest “relationship” was 6 months and that was at age 17.  miranda doesn’t pretend to be good at relationships.  she is too honest for the game and doesn’t understand the rules.  she doesn’t think she’s gonna wander the earth alone but she is cynical about the “great love.”

so, let’s get to it….because miranda doesn’t like talking about herself in third person….it is just weird.