lots of love

vegas and i were in bed pretty much all weekend.  i went to his show on fri, went home with him, spent most of sat with him, then i went to babysit, he had another show, but he came over after.  sunday we stayed in bed until 11am and then got everything ready to go visit his parent for a few hours.  then we watched some tv, made some popcorn and relaxed.  then we went to bed and were up at 5am this morning….you know….being sexy.

well, i’m out of condoms, so i went on my lunch break to go pick some up.  and when i’m buying something that could be embarrassing, i pick something else up to cover the item of interest.  i know it is stupid.  i do the same thing with tampons and bad beer. 

well, i grab a pack of gum, i’m almost out anyway.  and stroll by the condom aisle as nonchalantly as possible.  it is like the worst aisle in target.  home pregnancy tests, condoms, all kinds of hoohaa medicine, foot fungus stuff.  yikes.  it would probably be hysterical to film that aisle and watch the footage bc everyone is very uncomfortable there.

well, target is out of the 12 pack of our condoms.  and even the three pack, which i don’t even bother buying anymore, but in a pinch, it would work.  well, i’m feeling empowered after the encouragement i received after writing “sex in bulk,” so i grab the 36 pack of condoms.  that is right.  hear me roar.

so, i put the condoms on the conveyer  belt, with the pack of gum on top.  the gum doesn’t even cover the condoms, but it still makes me feel more comfortable, so whatever.  and….of course, some drop-dead handsome guy gets in line behind me with nothing but a 3 pack of condoms.  ha!

the cashier sees what he is purchasing and looks at me and then looks at him, and her eyes get all wide, but she doesn’t say anything. 

meanwhile, i’m literally sweating, trying not to die or laugh or puke, and avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

i leave, and practically run out of target.

 

$13 for 36 condoms! if you can handle the other hot shoppers, then i highly suggest it.

 

so, we are def set for a few weeks.

hannah montana, puhhhlease.

i read an article yesterday debating whether or not miley cyrus is a good role model for teens.  the article basically said that she is experiencing her teenage years differently than most kids, and for the most part she’s doing alright, considering what she is up against.  the general consensus was that she was an acceptable icon because she has promised not to have sex before marriage.

well, excuse me. 

having had men that i’ve slept with and those i haven’t you HAVE to admit that after sex there is a different kind of bond after engaging in intercourse.  (i hate the word “intercourse,” btw, i’ll never use it again.)

i, for one, think this is a horrible plan.  i’m not saying that you can’t be attracted, or feel chemistry, but sex builds a physical and emotional bond that is strong and there isn’t anything wrong with that.  sex is good for your self confidence and at managing your stress levels. 

i’m not saying kids should have sex with anyone and everyone, that isn’t what i mean. 

when i was in high school, i was still kinda religious, and i wanted to wait until marriage.  but when i got to college, and i was away from day to day influences and really got to think for myself and make adult decisions, i couldn’t figure out a reason sex was so bad. 

so then, my expectation changed from “marriage” to “someone who cared about me.”  and when i found that, i slept with the guy!  and it was great.  well, i don’t imagine the first time is ever great, but it got great.    

i guess what i’m getting to here is that sex is important.  it is a way you get to know your partner intimately.  i think in the bible when they describe maidens as women who’ve “never known a man” it is accurate. 

i failed at marriage and i’m good at most things save bowling and basketball.  what i’m trying to say, is every little bit helps.  it is hard to say you are going to be with someone forever, even when you know them inside and out, literally.  why not stack your deck?  why not find out if this person likes the same kind of sex you do?  i think we’ve all had sex with someone and then felt more distant from them than before the encounter.  then you never go out with them again.  but what if you are stuck by a legally binding commitment?  then what?

because i can’t imagine anything worse than marrying some guy and on your wedding night, having awkward, quiet sex, not knowing what you want, or what to ask for. 

being unfulfilled and feeling regretful. 

don’t we experience that enough?  shouldn’t we be able to free ourselves with our lovers?

i guess as long as kids are safe, then i’m pro-premarital sex.  it is a big deal, and should be treated with reverence and respect.  so let’s teach our kids to be humble, respect each other, protect themselves, and to make good decisions.

 

***i was going to tag this post with miley cyrus and hannah montana, but i don’t want a gazillion 13 year-olds coming to this blog.  this isn’t a kids’ site. 

***vegas will be out of town this weekend….so, i’m free for the girls!  violetta, i’ll help you move on sat.  and i can’t wait for dinner with juliet on thurs.  anyone want to go to my bro’s soccer game on sunday?  i’m leaving at 1pm after yoga, i’ll drive.

a night of compliments

easter weekend is always crazy at my house.  well, at my nana’s house.  we have about 25 – 30 people of which, at least 12 are under 20 years old. 

needless to say, it was exhausting.  between making a carrot cake, peeling 20lbs of potatoes, not a typo, and running after my nephews and niece, i was done.

i got home, put on yoga pants, grabbed a chick-shaped sweet tart and then vegas called.  he said “i’m home, come over, we’ll watch gordon ramsay!”

he’s gotten me addicted to gordon ramsay.  it is ridiculous.  ramsay was actually in one of my dreams. 

so, we are sitting on his couch watching “the ‘f’ word” and he says “when i watch gordon ramsay’s shows, it makes me hungry for your cooking.”  wow. 

we ate some popcorn, we each had a beer and then we went to bed.  then we start, you know, and he says “sex with you is everything sex should be.”  nice, huh?

sex in bulk

vegas and i share the responsibility of buying condoms.  i have no problem with it, neither does he.  i stock my place, he stocks his, and i keep a few in my purse, just in case we are…..out.

i buy what he buys, bc i figure he’s most comfortable with it, so they are the trojans in the orange box.   i usually buy the pack of 12 bc it is just over $6 at target.  plus i like having more because i feel like it takes any pressure off him.

so, i go to target yesterday, and see something i’ve never seen before.  a 36 pack!  this isn’t costco, i mean, seriously.  and you know what else?  it was $13.  $13!!!  that is a good price.

but i couldn’t do it.  me.  a 29 year old adult in an exclusive relationship.  i was worried the 15 year old that was gonna check me out would judge me.

i told violetta about this and she agreed.  she said i should “put on a wedding band and then buy them.”  HA. 

i can count the number of men i’ve been with on one hand and still i’m worried about being judged by some stranger.  when really, all i’m trying to do is be responsible and save money.

economic identity

as i was walking to my apartment from my car yesterday, i realized i was the epitome of economic confusion.

it was actually humorous if i ignored the relevant implications on society. 

i hadn’t worn a jacket to work yesterday, and we got a bit of a cold snap, so on my way home i put on my virginia tech sweatshirt over a gray frilly work shirt.  juliet was coming over for dinner, and we had talked about having fish.  i stopped at the whole foods to see what is on sale which was precisely nothing.  nothing on sale and i was trying to spend less than $10 on dinner because things will be tight until friday.  hmmm.

so, i get a baguette and my new favorite “mammoth cheddar” and move on.  i was gonna stop by the super fresh anyway and get some tomatoes, so, that is where i head to next.

the super fresh is an international market where they have all kinds of food i’ve never seen before.  spiky produce and mini eggplants and giant pears.  half the labels aren’t in english but i do pretty well.  most of the time. 

i’m looking thru their fresh fish and they have much more of a selection.  and i believe it is fresh because of the tanks and the loads of other people in line.  so it has to be turning, because all these other people can’t afford to shop at whole foods either.  the cat fish looks good.  juliet is bringing over a lemon linguine and i can make a small tomato basil salad.  i get two whole fillets.  we’ll split one and if desdemona is home, there will be enough for her too. 

the cost $7.  yes! 

finally mostly done with my day, i park, and collect my things and walk in.  i look down at myself and see me wearing a sweatshirt, dress pants and kenneth cole flats.  in one hand, my coach purse and the free promo bag that i now carry my laptop in.  in the other hand, the whole foods and super fresh bag.

and me.  feeling  old and young, still holding onto my twenties but flirting with 30.  being pleased with the amount of my paycheck, and dismayed at how quickly it seems to go out to this bill and that bill.  doting on fine things but relishing in comfort and the ability to make money stretch. 

i wonder if i’ll ever be able to buy a house.  the divorce ruined my credit, and having to put down 20 percent for a place seems impossible. 

i guess things got pretty bad for me in september, that is when i first thought hard about leaving the clinic.  since then i’ve hardly been out.  once a week, twice a week, maybe.  things have been better since i took my new job in february.  but i’ve retained the lessons about living lean.  i make it count.  if i go out once a week, i can spend $20.  and few things make my world turn like dinner and a beer with juliet and violetta. 

i guess one of the scariest things is that i’m one of the lucky ones.  me.  i’m not going to lose my car or house, i can fill up my gas tank (thank goodness it isn’t $4 a gallon anymore).  i have a good job that is secure, and if something happened and desdemona lost her job, i could support us.  it would be tight. but i could do it.

no more mammoth cheddar and we’d probably have to sell our coach and tiffany’s, but who are we to have that stuff anyway? 

i think the situation is horrible but some of the outcomes are good.  the conditions have made it easy and acceptable to say “i’m sorry, i can’t afford to ____ right now.”  i think there is less pressure to spend and a return to the kitchen table.  which is always good.  real conversations, board games, rock band nights. 

so, likely, i will continue to drink cheap wine out of nice glasses.  eat what is local and in season. mix inexpensive food with gourmet cooking techniques and enjoy things slower and longer.  enjoy the quiet. enjoy my friends.

because when it comes to friends, i feel very wealthy and very fortunate.