common courtesy in the workplace

my mother taught me to mind my manners and my business, not sure what she taught desdemona, but that is what i grew up with.

i’ve also been groomed to keep personal and professional worlds separate.  and i know there are times these worlds collide, but for the most part, i feel like i do a pretty good job compartmentalizing my life.

i don’t put pictures up of my family or friends on my desk.  i divert questions that are personal in nature away from me and re-route them back to the  person who asked in a non personal fashion.  usually they get the point.  they realize that i’m uncomfortable disclosing this kind of information in a professional environment.

well, one of the vice presidents of the company has taken a liking to me.  he comes and sits on a couch in my office, more frequently when the c-level execs are out of town, and asks me many questions that often start out professional but progress to topics that are personal in nature.

i don’t even know how we got on the topic of my late marriage, but i was unable to stop it.  it was horrible.  and he kept prying.  and it was a mix of my subordination and general need to be courteous to co-workers that left me unable to break topic.  ugh.  i would not have been out of line to simply say “mr. mccurious, i don’t see how this topic lends itself to corporate efficiency,” “or, excuse me, nosy nosalots, but i am very busy and i think this is poor use of my time.”

but i didn’t.  ugh.

wouldn’t you stop asking questions if you saw you were making someone uncomfortable?  and wouldn’t the topics of divorce and failed marriage be reserved for the closest of friends?  

when he asked “what happened? it seems like 4 years is plenty of time to be sure that you could ‘make it.’” i stopped him and said.  “well, you never know what is going to happen and what will change someone.  i’ve got to make a call, please excuse me.”

and finally he went away.  geez.  this was yesterday, and thankfully today he’s been notably scarce.  i guess he realized that he was being inappropriately inquisitive.

 

***last night vegas came over and we had grilled chicken salad and watched house.  i was so tired.  i could barely keep my eyes open past 9pm.  i went to bed before him, he was finishing some writing.  he joined me a few minutes later and put on curb your enthusiasm.  i love larry david.  i wasn’t sleeping.  just tossing and turning and he came to bed and i finally relaxed.  we rolled around, i think we were half asleep when we started.  it was passionate and tender,  but honestly i could do without hearing larry david’s voice during sex.  ha.  today he sent me an article about “what your sleeping position says aboutyour relationship.”  or something.  it is nice that he is still thinking about me into the day.  because i’m thinking about him.  so.  that is that.

the older brother’s birthday party

the older brother invited me to his birthday party and i asked if it iwas ok if i brought along a few girls with me.  vegas had a show and i figured why not.  so i grabbed violetta and juliet and tasked them to bring up vegas when the older brother was around. 

juliet said she had only seen parties like this on tv.  ha.  it was like being back in college.  beer pong, a keg outside, the game on the tv, but cheesy 80’s ballads and the beach boys on the stereo.  at one point older bro muted the music, picked up an acoustic guitar and sang a horribly crude, but mildly amusing, song to ”for all the ladies.”

older bro was talking about sushi, and violetta interjected “does vegas like sushi?”  and i said “i don’t know, we’ve never been to sushi, he’s kinda a meat and potatoes kind of guy.”

yes!  nothing else was said, but i think he picked up on it. 

we stayed for a little over an hour, then left.  it was good.  it was nice to meet some different people.  it was fun.

 

***vegas and i actually got to hang out a lot this weekend.  fri night we had dinner and a movie over at my place.  sat i brought him lunch and we hung out for a few hours before his show.  and sunday we saw monsters vs aliens, which was hilarious.  and then we watched 4 episodes of gordon ramsay’s kitchen nightmares.  it has been nice.

dinner with violetta

so, this is just a funny anecdote that i’ll share with you.

violetta and i went to dinner at our favorite irish pub and we are eating and drinking and i mention how vegas is coming over later, and she says “oh, cool. what are you guys gonna do?  specifically?”

i put my fork down and shift in my seat and say “you really want specifics?”

and she laughed and said “no.”

 

ha.

imposter!

oh, ok.  not really.

but some chick put up a blog at datinginthedistrict.com. 

it is about…dating. 

shocker.

i had meant to get around to linking my datinginthedistrict.wordpress.com to datinginthedistrict.com.  i know blogger does this automatically, but i wish wordpress did as well.  in general, i’m far happier with wordpress as a blog site.  it is far easier, intuitive and tracks statistics that are important to me. 

i just wanted to share my general disdain for this happening.

 

boo!

the older brother

not my older brother.  i don’t have an older brother.  but i used to work with two brothers, one of which was older and that is who this blog is about.

i always knew older had a thing for me.  he told me once which was brave, bc i had a big fat diamond ring on my finger at that point and an unstable fiance to boot.  older was always charming, always nice, and i kinda felt ok that he liked me, bc he was one of those guys who i figured liked a lot of girls. 

flash-forward 5 years and we find eachother on facebook.  a lot has changed, but we are basically the same as we were.  except now i’m divorced, single but involved. 

he invites me to go paintballing for his birthday with him.  ha!  what?  no way.  that is only a little better than when veggie-burger salad took me to play laser tag.  plus i’ve heard paintball hurts.  so.  not a chance.

i suggest lunch.  time to chat and catch up.  we go for sushi, it is easy conversation, lots of laughing, good times.  then he says “i’ve never been to this place, so you are my ‘test date.’” 

test date?

ugh.  what have i done? 

i’m kicking myself because i didn’t even mention vegas.  he never asked if i was seeing anyone.  i never asked if he was seeing anyone.  i thought this was strictly lunch.  i mean, if he had tried to kiss me, i would have pulled away, but i should have said i have a boyfriend.  right?  i know.  i know.  geez.

 

***vegas has had a tough few weeks with interviewing and shows that haven’t gone great.  and i stayed at vegas’s place last night and he told me that i am “the only thing [he] feel[s] good about right now.”  i feel good about him too.  i feel shitty that i was some other guy’s ”test date.”

games

i don’t mean mind games, dating games, i’m talking about games.  ones that usually involve balls and teams.

i am a HUGE fan of football.  on sundays, during the season, it is likely that i watch football for 10 hours.  and i love it.  i adore it.   i will talk about it to anyone, i will defend my team and make fun of yours.  and if i’m out for a beer or dinner and there is a game on, i will watch it, and be distracted by it.  violetta, juliet and ophelia probably hate me during football season.  i don’t blame them. i’m irritating.

so, from august to february, i’m an asshole.  i accept that and i think most of my friends do too. 

but that is it.  i don’t follow basketball or baseball, and even though i will pretty much go to any live sporting event out there, i don’t have a team i follow so it is kind of boring.

vegas loves basketball and this march madness bullshit is driving me crazy.  ugh.  seriously.  i have no interest and no investment in this and tonight i am supposed to go over to his place and we are going to do “nothing but watch the games.”  boo.  i mean, i sincerely doubt that is all we’ll do, but come on.  i don’t even really want to do it.  but i like him, so i will.  and i compare it to movies that i want to watch that he doesn’t or that i kinda make him watch heroes and lost.

at least i get to fall asleep next to him and don’t have to get up to any alarm.  that is nice.

i pulled a muscle….ouch!

i just turned 29.  and what do i get?  a pulled muscle during sex.  seriously.

right groin.  nice.  i am slightly limping, but mostly just uncomfortable.  there was nothing out of the ordinary, no weird position….so, am i just old?  ha.  i actually think it is hilarious.

vegas came over last night and i made chicken and rice.  yummy.  simple.  (roodle, you could totally make it.)  we rolled around while the chicken was in the oven, then ate, then went  back to bed and fooled around during the boring droid sequence in StarWars:  A New Hope.   and then again this morning.  so, somewhere during those sexual escapades, i was injured. 

awesome.

who pays?

so i just got a new job.  i’m making a good bit more than previously and finally feel like i’m getting a grip on my financial situation.  i can breathe.  and it feels good.

well, vegas’s hours were cut by the firm.  he wasn’t laid off, but he’s still incurred a “standard of living change.”  usually he pays for most everything.  he doesn’t even let me.  he’s already bought the tickets when i get to the movies and he usually won’t let me buy the popcorn.  he is very generous.  well, i wanted to do something nice and buy us tickets to a yankee’s game in baltimore and he wouldn’t let me.  instead of going out to dinner i suggested me picking up a pizza on my way over to his place last week.  and he told me over and over that i didn’t have to and that he’ll get the next one. 

i mean,  it isn’t like he’s a mooch.  i’m just trying to make things easier.  am i emasculating him? 

let’s face it.  it is tough out there for everyone.  i feel fortunate to be in the position i am in and am 29.  independent.  stable.  and i’ve worked hard to get there.  so it is as hard for me to accept gifts of dinners or anything else as it is for him.  so what do i do?  i didn’t buy the yankee’s tickets, but next time i probably just won’t ask.  and that is probably worse. 

eh.  help!  advice?

recently

i haven’t had too much to write about.  i’ve been busy.  and sick. 

and just had a birthday.  and i am exactly that girl who is self involved enough to ignore everything else and assume everyone just wants to talk and chill with me.  cause it is my birthday.  now really.  i know you guys don’t care.  ok, maybe you did for like a minute.  but i do this for 2 weeks.  even i think i go overboard, so it is ok to roll your eyes at me.

i had a birthday thing last night and had TOO much champagne sangria.  vegas took coats and helped clean up and was great.  even when bob showed up.  ugh.  honestly, it was good to see him too.  he brought his new girlfriend and she was really sweet.  i am glad he’s moved on.  and i’m glad he found someone who could give him what he needed.  bc i couldn’t.

vegas and i are great.  it has been 5 months and i’m not spooked.  so, that is progress.  i am so well adjusted.

this morning we woke up at 5am.  it is so nice when i reach for him and he is there.  it was pretty perfect.

the nose

so, i had a slow day at work last thursday and decided to look for an exboyfriend from a million years ago on facebook.  let’s call him “the nose.”  i’m calling him “the nose” because when i found a guy with his name that graduated the same year he did from his high school, i wasn’t sure it was him.  i wasn’t sure until i took a good look at his beak, and then i was sure.

don’t get me wrong, he didn’t have a huge nose or anything, but he has a beard now, he wears glasses, and when i thought about the pics of us, his nose was the pronounced feature i could recognize.

ok.  anyway.  i met the nose at kings dominion when i was 13.  it was absolute puppy love.  he wrote his phone number on a teddy bear that he had won and gave it to me.  he went to a high school across town and we maintained a relationship by mail and phone calls.  we were close, i felt connected to him.  he came to my confirmation, was the first guy to get me roses, he came to a murder mystery party that i thru.  he was pretty great.

he was the first guy who i made me feel alive sexually.  he was the first guy to kiss the back of my neck and kiss my ears and i was putty in his hands.  he was 2 years older and that made him even sexier to me.

he was also the first guy to tell me he was falling in love with me.  i don’t know what happened or why we ended it or who ended it…but it was over.

i couldn’t get him out of my head tho, there were several times i saw and called him after that.  i always felt like we were star-crossed or something.

so, i sent him a message on facebook, and asked him to be “my friend” and he accepted and then we started chatting back and forth.  he’s very local.  the next town over.  he asked me if i would meet him for coffee and catch up and i said “yes.”

that is ok, right?  i mean, it was 15 years ago…at least. 

right?  ugh. 

 

***in the meantime, vegas and i had an amazing weekend together.  we hung out friday at 3 to like 8 on sat.  then i hung out at his place from 3 to midnight on sunday.  we just chilled out, ate in, ate out, watched movies and rolled around in bed.  i think i laughed the entire time.  it was pretty perfect.